ALONENESS OR LONELINESS, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION

There are sometimes when the bleeding obvious bites me on the nose, that I wonder why it's taken me so long to spot something.

Today is a case in point.

Whilst I've been staying with my beloved friend in Philly, she has had to going out to work each day. And I have, therefore, been alone all day.

So this has meant that she has come home every day to a clean kitchen and laundry done. That I have got through five books. Have done the shopping, been to the pool,and caught the train into Philly to meet up with her after work.

But it has also meant that I have spent a lot of time on my own, and this evening this has really got to me.

I've been feeling really low and couldn't work out why. On the most obvious level, it's because I go home tomorrow and don't know when I will be able to afford the next airfare.

It was bigger than that though.

One of the things I have missed terribly whilst I've been here, is my sons. And normally when I go away I always speak with them but don't ache to see them.

Today when I went to the pool, after my swim I sat in the sun, by the end of the pool that the boys and my friends sons used to play in, for the many years that they used to come over here with me. I could see their shadows jumping in and out of the water. I could hear their shouts and laughter. I felt very sad for those long gone times.

When I get home my eldest will pick me up from Manchester and take me home. I do not know how long he'll stay before he goes back to his base in Liverpool. I would really love it if he's around till Sunday so we can all have lunch together. Which for me will be affirming of our little family unit.

So what I was beating myself up about was why was I feeling so miserable and lonely and hating being so lonely. For the last 23 years I have loved being alone. It's been treasured time and I have relished every moment that I was able to get that time.

And what I have now is of course empty nest syndrome. My beloved boys aren't around anymore in the same way as when small , they don't need me to mother them in the same way as when they were little. So the treasured alone time was a treat in a busy life as a single mum bringing up my sons. As yet I haven't found anything to replace that emotional busyness.

I am an exceptionally busy person, I'm never happier than when I don't have time to breathe in a day. But all this frenetic activity that I fill my life up with, is a way to stave off those times when I've nothing in my life emotionally that needs me.

And it has been sitting on The Porch today that has brought that realisation to me.

It probably also goes a long way to make sense of my passion for falling in love!!! I know that I love being in love, and do not use it it in a healthy way , but more in a way to pre-occupy myself from facing the aloneness in me.

So that's it, the bleeding obvious...... Now all I've got to do is work out how I turn it round inside myself, so that aloneness is a pleasure again and not a fear. And that I can get a better balance on my feelings rather than a full on running away from them.

One life changing decision is already made, as my youngest son and I will be getting another dog as soon as I can sort it. Which will mean that when i come home to my endlessly empty house there will be a furry friend to speak to and care for, something I know will help enormously, as it did when we had our other dog.

So that's the practical taken care of , just the existential to sort now!!!!!

GIFTS

Lightening flashing across the ink black sky
Thunder rolling to wake the Gods.
Rain pouring, beating down on the roof.

Warm sunshine on a clear cool day
Breeze skittering through the trees
Orange leaves spinning to where they lay.

Deep azure blue sea
Waves rolling in across the shore
Diamond sparkling sunlight dazzling the eye

Beauty in art, in life
That makes me cry
Treasure glimpsed in each loving stroke

Hugs from friends
Laughter and joy
Conversation that never stops

Hands once held tight by two small boys
Young men whose confidences I now share
Respect and love from each to the other

Learning to be at peace with myself
Accepting that I'm worthy of love
To stop hurting cause I don't count.

Life going on
So's not to stop
It's up to me to make it work

What more could I want.....
except that final thought
The happy ending to kiss me awake.

But maybe I supply the dream
And rise like a phoenix from the flames
And be content being me



For my two American women with love and gratitude for your friendship

BEWITCHED AND BEGUILED, CADENCE AND LOVE, WHAT MORE COULD I WANT.

I'm back on the porch. My friend has gone of to work and so I have the time to write about the last four days.

On Monday morning I got in a hire car and drove for six hours from Philly to the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia. Given that I haven't ever driven that far in one go before, that was an adventure in it's own right. Coping with the Washington DC Beltway (ring road) which at times is 6 lanes wide.is no mean feat The biggest UK roads are only ever 4 lane. Going on Route 66, and yes I did sing when I got on it! And down this one road for TWO hours to get to my destination. Fortunately it was a very beautiful road so i didn't get bored on it, as I drove down through the middle of Virginia past the mountains

I got to my destination and met for the first time the wonderful, wonderful Sorrow. Eat your hearts out all those that read her. She is absolutely lovely. I met her family, who are all also fab,

I was there Monday evening through till Thursday morning.

She lives in the middle of nowhere in the woods. I hadn't realised, never having before left the cities I've stayed in, how much wilderness there is in America. How big everything is and how far away. But more importantly how beautiful. And where Sorrow lives is just stunning.

We spent out first evening getting to know each other, and for me it was like being with someone I had known for ever. It was so comfortable. In fact, I think for me that's something that has happened time and time again in meeting blog people, and I don't really know why I'm surprised when I've been relating to people via our mutual words for a year now!

But there is of course always a risk in the real world, bit like when I thought Trousers was a mad axe man before I met him!!!!

Meeting Sorrow though was bigger, as she'd invited me to stay in her home, so she was taking a risk, as I was driving for 6 hours to stay with this unknown person.

The conversation was never awkward, there were moments when I felt initially a little uncertain, I get up very early, was it ok to be out and about. By the end of my stay I felt so welcomed that I knew it was ok to do such things.

We went hiking up a mountain to visit a wonderful waterfall ( pics will happen next week when I can get them on the computer)
I got bitten my a horsefly, this added to ever growing collection of mosquito bites, currently in excess of 50!!!

We saw deer, two lots,,,,,

We went canoeing saw a heron. Which is becoming a very symbolic byrd to me, as most times when I go walking I see one. And this particular one left me a feather in the water for to keep. There were more deers hiding on the hillside and a beaver swam in front of the canoe. Seeing these animals in their natural habitat to someone who lives in England in a semi rural town was just spectacular.

There were many other wonderful things that I saw/ we did like the most astonishing thunder storm I have ever experienced .

But all these things, although truly wonderful, pale into insignificance compared to actually being with Sorrow and connecting with her. She is as her blog; compassionate, generous, very intelligent, so talented, loving and great fun to be with.

I feel very privileged to have been allowed into her life, to walk her woods, to meet those important people in her life, to be invited to walk her labyrinth, to be hugged and to hug right back.

It has been a very powerful life event, which at the moment I have to spend time thinking and feeling about from a distance, and in a horrible therapy phrase,process the thoughts. And so will probably come back to how it has impacted on me as I feel able in the future. Cause I do know that what went on in our talks has the ability to change how I view myself. To this end my blog may change in the next few weeks as my name is not right for who I am, and Sorrow has helped me find myself

Suffice to say my days in the woods in Virginia have been life enforcing and spiritually uplifting way beyond my expectations, and I cannot thank Sorrow enough for that experience.

STINKY HOT AND BITTEN

It is 9am and it is already so hot hat the sweat just pours off me. I've never had so many showers or changed my clothes so often in a day! Well at least not just cause they are just damp.

Spent hours as most women have never finding anything to wear when I'm going somewhere. The sort of thing where I have an image in my mind of an outfit that would go together well, only to find once on I look like a woman in a sack
tied up in the middle with a belt. Then there is a flurry of changing the tops to try and get the outfit to work.... no go. So change the bottom, different skirt, trousers, what ever,even perhaps go for the dress. Get completely exasperated and start to be late , only to hurl all the clothes on the floor and put on the outfit I know works that I was just being stubborn about not wearing in the first place.

The alternative I discovered the other day, was go out in a half reasonable outfit, wander aimlessly into a shop see something that I don't need, haven't the money for, but hey looks really good. Buy it then and there and insist , like a small child on wearing it for the rest of the day.

But the clothes change her aren't like that.... it's just stinky hot.

You'd think coming from rain soaked Britain that I wouldn't have the nerve to complain about the weather already. It doesn't take long there for the new conditions to become the norm.

So here I am sitting on THE porch, in my third set of clothes this morning and these aren't staying cause going out soon once I've had another shower. I'm surrounded on the porch by anti mosquito lanterns, which work really well and preventing the little bastards from getting me. Then I make the mistake of moving, from the sofa to the front door and they are lined up waiting to get me like a battalion of well disciplined commandos on a sniper mission..... so far 15 of the MFs have got me, from my ankles up to my shoulders.

I could of course stay inside with the air con on, but I've come here to sit on this porch and I will damn well do it!!! I will suffer for this porch, so that it can top up my memory banks to keep me going through the months ahead.

I've always done this had places I can go to in my head, when I can't sleep. For example I go here, or to Devon to J's garden, or I go to Portmerion in Wales. If I go to Portmerion then I wander down through the village past the hotel down this walk by the edge of the sea to the beach. This walk I do every time I've stayed there around 7am when no-one else is around and it's my walk.

This did get contaminated for a while as the last person I went there with went on the walk with me, and watched me when I stopped at the particular places that were very special to me. And on doing the walk the next day kissed me when we reached those particular places again, so i could have those memories when I needed them. Which would have been fine of course if we'd stayed together!!!!

Such is life!

Going to this places is a way of relaxing sufficiently to be able to sleep. They are the places I love the most. Partly because they are so beautiful, and mainly cause they are places where some of the people I love best in the world hang out.

So my dearest friend and I are spending our time with endless trays of food and liquid refreshment putting the world to rights, particularly in relation to egotistical and narcissistic men we have known, which may turn up as a joint post if we can be bothered.

Until then enjoy your weekend and think of me suffering for my art!!

I'M ALL GOING ON A SUMMER HOLIDAY

The suitcase is out on the spare bed,
The clothes are piled up beside it.
The dollars are in the red leather passport case.
The toenails are painted shocking pink.
The emergency dentist is booked for tomorrow to put back the filling that fell out this morning.... this one was not part of the run up plan!!!
The work in the surgery is completed.
The dinner with friends is booked for tomorrow night.. lets hope the local has worn off by then so I can eat without dribbling!!
The manicure is sorted for Wednesday afternoon, after all if I'm going to be brave and ask for an upgrade, I need all the help I can get.
The eldest son is due to return home in time to go to PC world, followed by a junk food fest, before my last clients.
The packing gets done at 9pm when I'm done working.
The bed gets slept in....
And then, and then.... I go to America.... YES!

The porch is swept, the cushions plumped, the gin is in the freezer, and I don't think 3.30 in the afternoon is too early to have a little glass, do you?

Be good whilst I'm gone.

I AM A COMPLETE NINCONPOOP!

There is one thing in life that reduces me to a gibbering wreck within minutes.
I have been frightened of it since we first got one in the house nearly 10 years ago.
I feel incompetent around it. Oh don't get me wrong I can use it, and when I know how to do something, I am childishly pleased.

Recently I have been suffering from an overload of anxiety about the bloody thing.

And what is this overwhelmingly terrifying object..... well it's my computer of course!

The family PC in the last few weeks totally obliterated it's memory, so that youngest with attitude's 4000 piece music collection was wiped out, as was all my stuff. It's taken eldest to remove machine and take to Liverpool to sort out, and it's taken him hours apparently. As the damned computer wouldn't even recognise the keyboard. However that's now back.

The reason I still use it is that when I got a laptop to stop youngest and me fighting over whose turn it was on the PC, I did something to it.... this meant that I corrupted it.... Get your mind out of the gutter here. So that any documents sent to me couldn't be opened. So I had to use the PC to read them on.

This meant that school had to start sending me paper copies of everything, and they are trying to go paperless, when the PC died.

Next to go was the broadband hub, and this involved two very, very long conversations with lovely and very tolerant women in India talking me through trying to a sort it out and then re connect a new hub.

So all was well except eldest son hasn't reconnected me to some document thing on the PC and the laptop is still corrupt. So school have given me access to a new shiny laptop.

And yesterday my incompetence reached an all time high!!

I got the lovely machine home, took it out of it's carry bag they'd so thoughtfully provided me with . Switched it on. I'd been given the numbers for the first password to open it. Nothing happened, I tried again and again and again. Then I thought I'd better phone the techie at school for his advice.

He was concerned and asked me to bring it back. I immediately did so.

He was up to his armpits in work, computers on all round the room, discs being copied , all sorts of things. He took my computer out of it's bag, switched it on, put in the numbers I'd been given, did something else. And would you believe it, it worked.

And then very gently and very kindly said," You need to press enter" And just gave me one of THOSE looks.

Oh earth swallow me up!!!!

CONTENTMENT THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT

Happiness and dreams are odd things. A few years ago the way to achieve both was by having stuff and wanting stuff. My house is full of collections of this and that.
My wardrobes are full of clothes, shoes and handbags.

And I would have an ache to get something to add to the stuff I already had.

Nowadays I don't need or want anything. This doesn't mean I don't buy stuff, but it's more spur of the moment like the dress in the sale in Liverpool last week. Well it looked better than the clothes I'd been wearing!! And I was going to have lunch with the gorgeous and beautiful Wakeup! So I kept it on and got complements about how pretty it was!

What I mean is that age has allowed me to loose that desire to want a new acquisitions endlessly, and what makes me happy is being with friends.

So yesterday was a red letter day. I had lunch with the first mate of the day, we work together and it was lovely after we'd got all the work stuff out of the way to just catch up with each others news.

Then of to second mates,this is a woman I've known for many years but only recently become friends with. Whilst at her house her physiotherapist turned up to give her a treatment. And I curled up on her sofa and went to sleep. No one batted an eyelid. No-one was disturbed by my needing to sleep. It was just what needed to be. It was just acceptance. 15 minutes later I could cope with the rest of the day. I felt so comfortable that I could ask for my needs to be met, and knew enough that it would be fine.

And on to the third friend of the day, one of my close friends, we both work in the NHS and first got all our excitement out of the way regarding the reports that are coming out of the government about the need for a more holistic approach to health and the need for talking therapies.... YES! that'll keep me in work then! Lord Darzi you are our hero!

Then of to the pub for dinner,conversation and increasing trust in each other as we confided in one another.

I had this wonderful sociable day cause all three women live in a 5 mile radius of each other. And it seemed silly not to sort out meeting up with them in one fell swoop, as they are all an hours drive from me.

And what I know this morning is that, friendship and love are what keep me warm in way that no number of cashmere jumpers can! And that all I need /want nowadays is enough money to put petrol in my car so I can visit. Or enough money that I can afford an airfare.

Not for me the beach holiday, lying in the sun. Or the skiing holiday Or any other sort of holiday that didn't involve being with my friends.

To sit on my friends porch next week in Philadelphia and just be together is beyond price. And she does have the best porch in the world anyway!

And this summer I'm being braver than that cause I'm hiring a car and driving approx 6 hours to go stay with the very wonderful Sorrow. Who I have yet to meet in the flesh, but have spent many hours communicating with elsewhere.

If she turns out to be as wonderful as the other people I have met in real life through blogging then I am blessed. As the lovely people who I lunch with, walk with, party with, hang out with eating scones, are just simply utterly fantastic.And you know who you are.

So that's it, I am content. And life is uncomplicated right now, as there is no man that I'm spending my time hooked into, and right now that is beyond fine.

It is OK, being on my own doing what I want when I want to do it, without having a new handbag to do it!!!

ME CYNICAL.... HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

Is it me?

Am I turning into a Grumpy Old Woman?

For a change I have bothered to watch television, after about 5 minutes of the news I gave up on it.

I mean the G8 summit..... by the year 2050 there may be less green house gases if some other countries agree to play along.... WHAT THE.... I know I paraphrase, but honestly.

By the same token I've had an email asking me to sign a petition as an RAF town in Norfolk wants to turn itself into an eco town, to do this it will build a road through a stretch of green belt and some people's gardens..... WHAT THE....

But it doesn't matter any of this, cause if you get hold of a copy of this weeks Closer magazine you can find out all about how Javine (.... who the fuck is she?) lost her three and a half stone baby weight.

Wouldn't be anything to do with actually having the baby would it??? I know that's a very speculative question but I just feel I had to ask it!!!

What the hell is going on?

Mind you at least G8 have decided to act on Zimbabwe, but is that all rhetoric too.

Or am I just being a tad cynical here?

Answers please on a crisp £20 note, there's a recession coming and I want to be ahead here!

WHAT CAN I SAY.... IT'S FAB AND I CAN DO IT!

This morning if I could, I would have got off that sailing boat and gone home never to get in another dinghy as long as I lived. This was after being up between 3 and 4.30am worrying.

This afternoon I got it!

I got what sailing is about.

I sailed round the course with the instructor and my fellow student and I tacked and gybed. I looked where I was going, I stopped worrying about my feet, my hands, the ropes, the tiller and I just sailed. I almost capsized the boat and it didn't matter,cause everyone does it, it's just part of what happens.

I crewed holding onto the gib sheets (ropes) hanging off the side of the boat.

I smiled and smiled and felt wonderful. We sped across the lake, with the ever increasing wind, the spray in our faces, the sun shining.

And I could have cried with relief..... I can do it.

And I like it.

I am the world's most unsporty person. I was always the person left at the end of picking the teams at school. I could never get the hang of aerobics when all others were stretching this way and that, when going to the gym was de rigour.

And do you know I have cancer to thank for making me as fit as I am.

Since breast cancer I've got very good at pilates. It's given me my core strength. To the point that having a mastectomy makes no difference to my muscles or ability to have a full range of movement

I've learnt to walk distances and love it, after training and then doing a 10 mile charity walk last year. My body is toned, by butt is tight, my legs will walk anyone off their legs!

And now I can sail, so well that the instructor said he would be happy for me to sail alone. I'm not so sure yet, I need to practise more and build my confidence up. But I'll take his words and hold on to them. And know, that what I can do is, I can get into a racing dinghy and crew it with confidence. Cause that bit is the bit I like best.

There aren't many times I feel it's appropriate to boast about things I can do, but just for tonight I think it's okay. I've learnt to sail and I've completed my level 1 training. And I until this afternoon didn't think I could either do it, or enjoy it.

How amazing is that?

STRESS AND ANXIETY AND THAT'S JUST THE THERAPIST!!!

Everybody needs a bunch of flowers now and again, and these are for you.
Now I know I don't have to feel guilty, but I do, so you'll have to put up with it.
I feel guilty cause I'm not getting to go to any of the people I care abouts blogs.

I like to read and comment, I think it's important. Otherwise what right have I to be read. But right now it's just not possible and I need to tell you why.

At the moment, my sleep is really bad, it's never that good anyway. Last night being typical, awake between 1 and 2am. Back to sleep till 4 then awake again. Finally giving in at 6.30.

I know my anxiety levels are high at the moment. On a personal level, I am scared about sailing on Saturday, but I think I know why now. Part of learning to helm is co-ordination, and one thing I'm not good at, is that. In the same way as I have no eye / ball co-ordination. The idea of learning how to hold the tiller and the mainsail rope and know what to do with them when tacking, in that you have to sort things out behind your back is so not happening for me.

I know I went off at the deep end yesterday when I hooked so thoroughly into a cancer scare. Which I also know will be part of my life for ever. And, that when it happens it's for a short while utterly unbearable, till I get it sorted it whatever way.

But mainly what is getting to me at the moment is my therapy work load. Which in itself is not very many hours. Twelve contact hours a week is about average currently. What the problem is, is the depth of people's pain that I am holding right now. Now like every professional therapist I have supervision. I have an hour and a half every month. Normally this is plenty to keep me on top of my game.

Unfortunately now that isn't enough, and my support network is away, so I'm stuck with trying to hold it all together.

Monday I saw the woman whose son hung himself two years ago, who's now terrified of driving and having panic attacks.
The woman who is the same age as the first woman's son who simply wants to die. So she takes daily overdoses and has been starving herself for the last few months.
The man who has been so badly bullied at work that he is contemplating ending his life as it has all been for nothing.
The man who is depressed cause of not being able to deal with his family relating to his past military experiences.
The woman who is trying to come to terms with her marital break up.

Today; the women trying to cope with sexual deviancy in an ex partner. The woman who hates herself so much that no-one else could possibly think she is worth knowing. The woman who's struggling with motherhood for the first time and a partner who is not supporting her and just yells at her cause she's changed. The success of this week.... The man who feels that he has finished therapy cause he's learnt healthier ways to deal with his past and is no longer haunted by it... YES!. Ending with the teenager who's 5'7" and 98lbs /45 k, who is anorexic.( all of these are variations on reality to protect confidentiality)

And for each of these people I have to be energised and caring. I have to give them my complete attention. To find ways to communicate with them to help them make sense of what they are going through. I've got 5 new referrals this week. I'm giving up my lunch breaks in the next couple of weeks cause people's pain is so bad and I'm going on holiday in the middle of the month. And I can't just say tough luck come back in August.

Everyone needs hope, and I'm so bloody good at helping people feel it. As I got told today and probably most days. "I was frightened before I came to see you, but now I feel better and I feel that I can find a way out of this"

I'm only telling you this just so you bear witness. I don't want any solutions. I know the solutions and one of them will happen in my going away and having some me time for a couple of weeks. It is one of the reasons I'm now so addicted to walking it mends my soul.

Just as eating a really healthy salad after a glass oz fizz works to, as I have done tonight

As does writing this.

I love my work with a passion. I cannot imagine ever doing anything else. I have loved helping people through talking since I was 16, when I persuaded a girl that life was worth living after she'd taken an overdose and being admitted to the ward where I was a cadet nurse.

I get an enormous amount from my work... to know that there are people alive because of me is a privilege. To know that people have found contentment in their lives when they only had pain is the greatest reward I could ever have.

It's just a bit tough right now. So thank you for reading. And for caring as I've no doubt you will.

It's a very odd thing blogging, more times than not I feel more loved and cherished in this world than I do in reality, with the exception of my wonderful friends and my boys. And it is for this reason I've told you all of this tonight. It's safe to tell you and that counts for a lot in my world.

IGNORE THE POST BELOW... ALL IS WELL!

Please ignore the post below.
All is well HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF !!!

The fear was real, as fear is, even though it is totally illogical.

It scares me how quickly I go straight for the worst possible place. Logical thought goes out of the window so fast.

I don't know but I would suspect that my reaction is the same as others who've been had to deal with cancer.

Plus being alone makes my anxiety unmanageable, as my fantasies go haywire.

I will not though beat myself up about this, even though that's very tempting!
I didn't used to be like this but then I didn't used to have cancer either.And I don't anymore either I just have emotional fall out occasionally!!!

And when I get scared I don't want to to tell the boys till I have to , they had enough to deal with when I really was ill.

ANOTHER SCARDY CAT AND HOPEFULLY THAT'S ALL

Fear is so extraordinary.
Life is going along, doing all the things that life does.
Then something that I've been aware of for a while and have been ignoring got mentioned when I was having a routine blood test this morning.
I was told I knew what to do, and I do, I should see a doctor.
I went to make the appointment, the receptionist reacted immediately I have to see the duty doc at 5pm tonight.

So then I got on with my day, with friends out walking without saying a thing.

I've just changed my clothes so the doc can examine me easier and now I'm so fucking scared.

I've had sodding cancer I don't want it again.

I know two things, woman mainly get cancerous moles on their limbs and that most people's moles are fine and are removed as a precaution.

And right at this moment before I start whatever process I'm going to go through that I will cope whether little or huge, won't matter. I know how to deal with stuff

But also right at this moment as I stand on the edge of the cliff I'm scared. I want to feel someones arms round me telling me I'll be OK. I know my sons will do this for me when I get to see them. I know my friends will be there for me.If only I told them.

At this moment I'm alone, and writing this to stop myself pacing the floor and crying. Not that there is anything wrong with doing those things. But I know that I need to know what is going on and not just hook into my fear.

I know being scared is not just about a mole on my leg it's about the stuff that I don't think I will ever stop worrying about at some level. I don't think you can have had cancer and not go straight to that place when something comes near it in my fears.

This is something I am sentenced to have to deal with.
Life or death, it's such a no brainer and so fucking precious.

SERENDIPITY, OR SYNTHESIS, DOESN'T MATTER THEY ARE BOTH GREAT

Don't know whether the right word is serendipity or synthesis.
Doesn't really matter, they are both great words and both seem to be happening to me right now.

For the last two years I've had one sentence about me on Friends Reunited. I've not done anything with it. I've ignored the couple of people who've tried to get in touch with me. Mainly cause they were in my sister's year in school and I didn't know them.

I have ignored all the endless stream of communications that F.R. have sent me, got enough to do keeping up with blogging, and not doing that very well at the moment!!

Anyway on Sunday I got another mail shot from them, telling me that FR was now a free service. I had an idle moment and looked at it. Updated my sentence and added one more about going to Devon. And then thought damn it I'll put my photo up.

After all my picture is now on MSN, Sykpe, facebook,and was on my old blog a lot, so why not another one! Oh I'm so vain (don't go there, not another song title really!!)

So Monday morning whilst eating my cereals( as if anyone cares what I eat for breakfast on a Monday morning!) prior to going to work I check my emails.... and ..... there was a message for me from FR..... My best friend from school when I was 14 years old had contacted me!

I haven't seen or heard from her since we were 15 years old. She and I went to our first concert together to see the Beach Boys in Birmingham Odeon in 1968. She used to have great parties at which we'd play spin the bottle, for a true, dare or kiss. Or postman's knock. I got to snog (kiss) all the boys in my class at school courtesy of her parties.

And what's more....SHE LIVES IN DEVON!!! about half an hour from where I want to live, in the city I'm most likely to get work in. Serendipity or what!!!

Since Sunday, and it's only Tuesday now have exchanged almost a dozen emails. We are both so excited about finding each other. She recognised my photograph, she says I look exactly the same as I did when I was 15. Her first words to me were... 'It is you'.... what more is there to add to that.

Except wouldn't mind the lad I adored in school and have always thought about over the years to get in touch with me... but that's just being greedy!!!

Picture is of Dartmoor near Haytor Rocks