Sunday, 27 September 2009
I'm so scared, with no end in sight
I got sent an email this morning with just one question...... How are you going to get your shopping?
It stopped me in my tracks.
What an intreresting question, to which I don't really know the answer.
I have never been so fucking scared in all my life
Alex has been angry for such a long time and especially with me, that asking him to do things is like treading on eggshells. That doesn't mean he won't do things for me, just I have to choose my moments.
He will go and get milk and bread etc. Hopefully my sister will be able to help later in the week when I need more food
And as for cleaning.......Don't have any idea about that one.
I feel so utterly vulnerable and pathetic. It is taking it out of me using these sodding crutches and being not weight bearing so my whole body aches from the effort.
I go to spend a happy few hours (HAHA!) in the fracture clinic tomorrow, and fingers crossed the treatment may not be as drastic as this tempory plaster.
And of course no work no pay. And I have no insurance anymore as I couldn't get it till I'm considered cured of breast cancer which will be January 2011.
I'm sorry to have gone off on one, but I've been worrying and crying about this since 4.30 this morning.I didn't know I could cry so hard and be so lost at that time of night before.
I've had enough this year it's just been never ending and I keep thinking it's all finished and something else comes along slightly worse than the one before.
I normally enjoy my life, being single doing what I want, but right now what I wouldn't do for a man to pop out of a helicoter with a box of milk tray , and even better a pair of strong arms and a willingness to go and get me a cup of water.