Monday, 20 April 2009

I WANT TO......

I'm not sure how I'm going to do this.
The yearning and longing inside to be somewhere else.
I want to start afresh.
I want new places to explore.
A room with a view that is not now
A river to walk by in the morning
The drive to the sea just a jaunt away
The ache inside is overwhelming

But I'm a good mummy, I promised, you see
To stay for longer when I want to be free
I fill my days with things to do to stop feeling
And when I reach that point in the day
The one between afternoon and night
I wander around with my thoughts
Not daring to let out the scream
That curdles my brain.

I don't know how long I can go on
Playing this game
Waiting for my life to change
And then of course that feels scary
Will I cope, will I be lonely
Yes and no I know are the answers
It's getting tougher to be ok
I want to ..... Oh I want to


trousers said...

You want to.


Beautifully written, by the way.

Wild Cat said...

So beautiful x and at the heart of us all x

Sorrow said...

What a good momma you are, and some day when the moment is right, you will be there
where you want!

Merry ME said...

Though I kind of sorta think Sorrow is right, I've got to ask. How do we know when the moment is right? How do know that there isn't always going to be something standing in the way?

I think the longing to be by the water is primeval which is why I take so many showers. It lacks the rythm of the sea, and the sand in your toes, and the smell of salt air, but it's water!

Blessings and peace to you and the one who gets you as a mom.

trousers said...

Just one question.


I think I may know the answer in principle, but I felt the need to flag it up all the same.

Mel said...

Spaghetti--that's what I sometimes refer to that tangled up 'stuff' I get to straighten out one strand at a time.
How many times have I tossed it up and made a bigger mess, hoping it'd detangle itself. *sigh* Yeah, yeah.....I know that doesn't work.....

Well written.
But folks have already told you that.

The next chapter's already begun.
Maybe you just haven't realized the page has been turned?

(((((((( the byrdie ))))))))))))

Helen said...

It's all behind me now ... but, of course, I experienced those deep emotions many times. Normal yearnings ...... and one day you will know that. Your offspring are lucky to have a 'real' person for a mom...

ShirleyAnn said...

Well written.
Your time will come, and you will know when it is here.

Barbara said...

It sounds like you might be on the brink of a big change. You'll just have to trust that you will know when the time is right.

Rosaria Williams said...

You captured some strong feelings here that are tugging at you. We do feel trapped, don't we, by circumstances we can't change. We ask the same questions, we dream those same dreams.

Pam said...

If that "ache inside of you is overwhelming " you know darn well you're not going to put up THAT forever thank you very much. You are in the process of change my dear Byrd.You are, and will always be a great Mom and stepping up to the plate now, for something good to begin, to add more to the good you've given out.Well written Byrdie - you are the best - those words are stirring something up- a hint to the universe to get things moving!! By the way, how come Trousers knows the Spaghetti answer in principle? Is there an actual answer,or is it a Zen Italian mystery mix? xxxx

Fire Byrd said...

Pam if only the answer to the spaghetti issue was as prosiac. And since it's not I don't think I'll answer it and keep what is not very interesting into a mystery......

justme said...

You want to.....and one day you will. It's hard to have to wait though. x

Dark Side said...

I can see why you would want to wake up to that everyday and one day you will!..xx

Joanna Cake said...

Great piece. This resonates with me at the moment :)
I have found somewhere I think I might like to live but it will be minus my kids. Sometimes to continue to be a good mummy, you have to be free.
Or am I just saying that to make myself feel better?
It's tough isnt it... and very frightening
Keep your chin up x

Lori ann said...

So poignant and heartfelt, I could relate to all that you said F.B. The fact that you want and have put it out there,the universe, it will happen. You are so deserving, keep the faith love. You have SO much to look forward to.
♥ lori

Exmoorjane said...

btw, you're tagged mate! Over to mine to find out the whys and wherefores.....jxx

Eleonora Baldwin said...

You will. It's scary sometimes, but you will. Dreaming's good.
And you're a wonderful mother.

I've tagged you for a meme over at my blog. Play along if you feel inclined... Ciao

Ronjazz said...

I want to...too, Byrd.

Lady in red said...

It seems that there are a lot of us who are at that stage of wanting to be free but having to be patient a little while longer.

But just remember that while you are waiting for your time to come you are also preparing for what that new life will bring you. It doesn't matter that you don't know what that is. But you will do at the right time.

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