Wednesday, 27 August 2008

FRIENDSHIP



I got a present today all the way from Virginia. I'd been told that something was on it's way, but to get it and find what it was has been somewhat remarkable.

In the kitchen in Virginia was a clock, and on the hour as it struck a different bird would chirp, the owl at 12.00, a woodpecker, robin, goose and all the others. I was amazed at this clock. To have these noises going off every hour was magical, in the magical place I was visiting. It became a bit of a joke, as i had to hang around in front of it to catch all the birds on the hour.

Today I got such a clock!

Friendship and love are such vital commodities in our lives, and I must have been good in a previous life, as I am so blessed in this.

I just want to get on top of a mountain and tell everyone how wonderful every single one of my friends is, whether they are from 40 years ago or this summer!

When I think back to those days of my childhood and hold the hand of that lonely little girl who wandered round the playground desperately wanting someone to play with her. I know that she is now safe, I know that whatever went on in her mind, that isolation, the feeling of not being good enough, of being seen as stupid. All of those feelings that kept the little girl scared, they in relation to friendship no longer exist.

I am grateful now at my age that I went through all those horrible experiences.That I had to face myself in an unconscious way as that child. That I was able to make the decision to be different as soon as I had some power over myself.

And now that little girl skips beside me marvelling at now I did it. How little scared, stupid me got to be the me I am now. The person who has friends, real friends who I'd travel a long way for and I know would do the same for me.

I know it is my capacity to love my fellow human being that has allowed me to find this gift of friendship over the years. There is of course still the little voice that says I'm not worthy. But do you know, conceited as it sounds I'm beginning to think I am worthy.

That there is something in me that other people love, that others want my friendship as much as I want theirs. This feels on the one hand so right to own, but on the other the gremlin inside wants to destroy and ideas of being above my station.

But today, and possibly tomorrow I think I will not allow that side of me a voice, and instead will celebrate that not only am I privileged to have my friends but they actually are lucky to have me.

I can't tell you how difficult that last sentence is to leave in. I've rewritten it several times. I have beaten myself up for being so immodest. And what has stopped me taking it out is the knowledge that all the lovely people I can call friends are not my friends cause they feel sorry for me. They are my friends cause they like/love me. And to acknowledge that seems more important than preserving my need for modesty right now.

So to all the people who are my friends, those in real life, from pre- blogging, those who have become my friends in real life through blogging and those that are friends in blog world. I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I couldn't live this life if it wasn't for you.

I got this in a text the other day and it seems apt to leave it here:

"Received from a friend and now sent to another friend. Don't walk behind me,I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend"

Sums it up really, don't you think?

The photograph is of the astonishing piece of stained glass that Sorrow gave me from the things she had made. Anyone who loves beautiful pottery or glass should commission her work. She is so talented and gifted. And very definitely my friend.

18 comments:

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I have a little card mounted on the wall which reads "friends are people who know all your faults and like you anyway"
BG x

nachtwache said...

Beautiful post! I think that many people feel unworthy, I know I always felt that way. I wasn't really aware, that I felt like that, I just felt, I didn't fit in; in Switzerland I felt I didn't measure up and didn't feel accepted. Now that I'm older, I'm more comfortable in my skin, but I find it hard to get close to people. That is the secret though, to love people just as they are, warts and all :) to walk beside them....
Yep, beautiful post!

Crystal Jigsaw said...

What a beautifully worded post, a pleasure to read. You are indeed blessed as we are to know you, even if it is in the blogging world.

CJ xx

Cait O'Connor said...

A brave and beautiful post on friendship, written from the heart.

Our writing group 'homework' this month is friendship, you have got me thinking - there are so many aspects to it.

Walker said...

Its cool getting a surprise in the mail from a friend.

Over the years I have learned and appreciated my friends for their contribution to my life.

Great post

trousers said...

You deserve it.

Wonderful post.

x

Polar said...

Damn gremlins. There should be some way to peel them off and a place far away to send them to. Then again the mountain wouldn't be very high if it didn't have rocks. So glad you left in that one sentence. Enjoy the clock.

Lady in red said...

as I said in my text earlier

Firebyrd you are so worthy of being called friend, being your friend has helped me to accept that I too am worthy of being called friend.

LiR

Fire Byrd said...

Sometimes when I get the comments from people I get overwhelmed with the generosity of spirit that comes from people who blog.
I didn't know that something I thought so little of just over a year ago could have given me so much.
I've come a long way, and I know I couldn't have done it without you.
Thank you.
xxxxxxxx

Sorrow said...

My Beloved Byrd~
You are so deserving of love, and your love is such a tremendous gift!
It is a pleasure to know you, both in this web world, and in the real world.
Thank you so much for the joy that you bring, and i am eternally grateful to the powers that be, that brought you to my hermits hut!
When ever you are feeling low, perhaps all it will take to cheer you, so that you know how much you are loved, is a simple
byrds song...

Fire Byrd said...

Tonight I wrote to someone who really started this change in me, thanking him. He stayed with me emotionally when I found some very difficult truth about myself, for which I will always be grateful.
But it is you dearest Sorrow, who took me in and held me so tight in your hermits hut whilst I struggled with my pain. I will never forget what you have done for me. I am that phoenix and I'm soaring.
xxx

Picsie Chick said...

Oh, Ms. Byrd! It's as if you looked deep into my soul and posted this for me!

Thank you! I am richer for having you as my friend.

Hugs and butterflies,
PicsieChick

Mel said...

k.......

<--tearful and cannot put it into words.....

You're loved.

Irene said...

Isn't it great to feel worthy enough to receive that kind of friendship and to honor your friends by not doubting it? That's the kindest thing you can do, to honor the friendship you are given and to not doubt it and think you are not worthy. Just accept it and treasure it as you were meant to, that's why it was given to you. That's how you can be a great friend in return.

Ronjazz said...

...and I'm a simple ole stray dawg, wondering in from a quarter of the planet away to say hello to this remarkably lovely soul... My, my...

Eve said...

I am one of those lucky enough to call you my friend. You are a constant presence. Always next to me. What would AL say about such and such......You are so much more than worthy. You are precious. To me.

Edward said...

A lovely blog. And that clock sounds fab.

Milla said...

horribly familiar this: the "gremlin inside wants to destroy and ideas of being above my station"!
Lovely stained glass and would love to see that clock, it sounds such fun.