I hadn't realised how much I was holding myself in till Al came home yesterday, which coincided with the long awaited thaw. And it's only today that my mind has started free floating about the past and the future. Cause for weeks I've been living right in the moment, which of course is very healthy, especially when the world is more difficult than usual.
But is had meant that I only had two topics of conversation and neither of them that fascinating to anyone else!! Suffice to say I have learnt things about myself. The principal being that, actually as long as I have a dog (or cat in the future) that actually it is fine living alone.
I haven't, outside of normally sad moments, been sad or lonely. Yes I have talked more to myself and maybe that's what people who live alone do. I think we all do it anyway, I just did it more. It was almost reassuring myself that things, whatever those 'things' were in that given moment, were fine.
It was knowing that whether I was just talking aloud, or telling Trix my thoughts, that it was a comfort. A form of self soothing that although I knew about before became a reality.
So now home is back to normal, it's noisy, cluttered, and the boy is grumpy and sweet alternatively, so nothing new there! And it is full of life, which when I was alone I made happen with the radio on,just to have other sound about the place. Now my radio is off as I have the thump thump of music coming from upstairs and I can hear Al endlessly talking to the whole world and his wife. His phone hasn't stopped since he got back, he is a very popular and loved young man.
I'm just glad I've got something to moan about, as in turn that noise down or whatever!
I also have to learn, and learn fast that my youngest son's way is not the same as mine. And that he has to go his own path, however that is. As long as he behaves in my world the way I think is acceptable, I have to let him lead his life in his own world. I already do this with my eldest son, but he lives the other end of the country, so I don't have to see what he gets up to. Whereas for the moment Al and I will continue to live together, at least until he gets a job. As I know he wants to leave home as soon as he's able. Then I can just get my sons to visit me, and not know what they are up to, which would suit me fine!
And now my social life can recommence, so Devon is to be visited on Wednesday, friends are to be gone out with on Monday and Tuesday straight from work. And I get back to my busy, busy self.
With the weather changing I can also start to think again about house selling. I do know that I will have to reduce the price of my house, but want to do that only as the season gets going, not too soon and not too late, just the right moment, so someone can't resist my house and I can get to the seaside.
So after five long weeks of no son and no sun, my world is changing on it's axis again, thank goodness.
