Friday, 1 April 2011

Red Roses for a wonderful and missed Mum

My house is awash with flowers, if a house can be awash with flowers!
I have stocks, I bought last Friday, which although just past their best are still looking lovely in their pale lilac and pink.
There is a bunch of daffodils next to me, I bought two but one was for a friend I went to supper with on Monday.
I have another bunch of daffodils on the dining table, courtesy of the rain in the garden. I don't like picking my garden flowers but these had all got battered and needed to be seen in all their glory.
In the kitchen I have a tiny vase with battered garden tulips in.
And finally on my coffee table I have a vase of deep pink and red roses.

Now you might think all this is a bit excessive. And I would agree with you, but I couldn't let the flowers outside just die on the ground. And I needed the roses.

This Sunday is Mother's Day and I always buy my mum flowers. Her grave is a couple of hours drive away and I no longer go there. But I need to have some flowers for her. So that is what the roses are for.

I don't like Mother's Day, even though I have two wonderful sons, who, if they remember will send me cards, flowers or chocs. I say that cause I know my youngest will remember, comes from my suggesting earlier in the week that he remind his brother by text not to forget!!! I'm not daft you know!

Actually that's a bit unfair on them cause I know how much they love me and it's my birthday the following Sunday and Mother's Day like Easter is very late this year. And I know that my big son is coming back for my birthday. So it's just greedy to want both remembering I think, in such a short time.

As an aside, I've won a photo shoot for me and my sons. I won the same thing 10 years ago and have a wonderful photograph of the three of us alongside the dog we had then. There are very few pictures of the three of us together. So I couldn't let this opportunity go past not to get the three of us in another picture. Hence eldest coming up for my birthday not something he'd normally do anymore.

Going back to Mother's Day, my Mum died a quarter of a century ago and I have hated Mother's Day ever since.It doesn't matter how much I get treated and shown love by Kit and Alex, I have an emptiness inside me that can never be fixed. Don't get me wrong I'm deeply happy that my sons love me as they do. And amazingly grateful that we have come through our lives together with our relationships intact. That I have been a good enough single Mum since they were 9 and 3 that we have held together through a lot of bad and good times.

So this weekend I will allow myself to be whatever feeling I have, sad, happy, lonely, joyful, whatever washes over me. That way I can appreciate my sons love for me and I can carry on loving my own Mummy inside my heart


Lyn said...

Oh Mandy - you have no idea how much I identify with these sentiments. Mother's Day became unbearable after my Mom passed ... It is the day that her absence hits me hardest and my girls were little at that time and wanted to celebrate. A few years after, my dad remarried a wonderful woman. But I wasn't ready for the gap to be filled by anyone. I made it known that MD is my least favourite and would drop a crad and some flowers off to my Step mom and then allow myself the day to do and be wahtever. Sometimes it was spent in my PJs sifting through photos and memorabilia and sometimes I just went for a walk. Lately though I have allowec myself to share the day with my girls, usually quietly, just being together with no fuss. My sisters feel the same way. We retreat into our respective corners to pass the day the way we see fit. I love the idea of surrounding yourself with flowers in her honour. It's Mum's Day so you should spend it exactly how you want to! Hugs to another daugher without her mother. We never outgrow it.

Paula said...

So touching tribute to your Mom. Enjoy your weekend. In the feeling you choose to feel.

Marilyn said...

Your love you have for your Mum is beautiful, just as your sons' love for you is beautiful too.
Happy birthday when it arrives.

GaynorB said...

Mandy - a beautiful tribute to your Mum, and thank you for sharing your feelings with us.

They reflect my feelings exactly, even though perhaps for different reasons.

My Mother died just over 7 years ago at the age of 69. I left home at 18 to go to University, then moved from Wales to Staffordshire, and apart from holidays never returned home again.

My regrets are that I didn't make the time to know my mother better as a woman, or give her a real experience of having her grandchildren close by.

GaynorB said...

I forgot to say that circumstances meant that when they died, I had both my mother and father buried in the churchyard 200m from my house. I find it a real comfort to take flowers to, and tend the grave.

How sad is it that I am closer to her in death, than ever in life?

Pam said...

A lovely tribute Mandy. The last sentence bought a big lump to my throat.
Enjoy your flowers, your sons, and plans for your upcoming birthday. I can understand you missing your Mum, particularly Mothers Day. I dread the time ahead when both my elderly Mum and mother-in-law are no longer there and get more emotional about it the older we all get - you'd think I'd be able to face the inevitable but I can't. xxx

TALON said...

Just being surrounded by all those blooms must be beautiful, Mandy. I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom. Being a mother doesn't replace our need for our own mothering, that's for sure.

Mel said...


((((((((((( the byrdie ))))))))))))

We never grow past the hole in our hearts, huh?
Not this one anyway....

Midwest to Midlands said...

Your post made me feel better for not liking Mothers Day or Fathers Day either. I try to ignore it, but it's there in the back of my mind. There is more to the story but I understand the hole in your heart that is never filled. I try like you to appreciate what I do have. Blessings to you.

bodylift said...

You are really missed your mom. This is wonderful emotional and attached post.

nose job said...

You love your Mother, And Your Mother looks really beautiful, just like your son's love for you is beautiful. Happy birthday to you when it arrives.