Saturday, 12 February 2011

The bright light is shinning all around me

Dear Me,
The picture is of a the entrance to a tunnel 1.75miles long and I saw the light in the far off distance and I thought of you and how you feel that you will never see the light.

Here you are at 12 years old, wandering round the playground pretending it doesn't matter that you have no friends.Going down to the swing and just staying there hidden out of the way of all those vile girls playing whatever it is they are playing. You never did find out what they all did. But you did develop a life long passion for swings!

I wanted to write to you because of what's gone on for me this week. Here I was on Thursday exactly two months away from my 57th birthday and I've done something that you would never have believed as a 12 year old.

You'd lived with the 'stupid' label since you were 6 years old.You had no way of knowing that life could be different and that actually when you reach, what you would consider very old, that life is the best it has ever been.

The journey you will go on will probably, if you were to meet those horrid girls be so different from what they probably expect to go on, that your life has turned you round and round over time to reach this wonderful place that you will find yourself in.

It may seem inconceivable that what I'm saying is going to happen to you. But if I could help you to hold on to hope of a happier future then I hope you can hear the whisper in your ear.

So this is what you would hear. This Thursday I went to a meeting all afternoon with all the Headteachers and Chairs of Governors from the whole of the local area. This was described as a district conference. (I cannot say here what went on) But I can say that I,little stupid me, the child who was so lonely and so frightened most of the time, stood up in front of around 150 people and made an announcement that will change the way that education is done in the town I live in for years to come. The announcement obviously was agreed first!

But is was me that made it. And the whole room erupted when I'd finished speaking with shock, pleasure, anticipation, fear and no doubt many other emotions. And I sat back down, The conference continued, but I just sat there reeling at the power of what I'd just done. I sat there wishing I could tell my Dad what I'd done, he would be so proud of me. His little girl, he only wanted the best for and for every challenge I overcame he shared my joy, when he was able.

I would never have believed that I could ever feel so okay about who I am as a person, so accepting of myself bad bits and all, that I would have the confidence to take on a whole town.

Who would have thought it, certainly not me. So little girl hear that whisper whilst your swinging up the sky,that all will be well in more ways than you can possibly imagine. And life that hurts so much day to day will feel good, even on the tough days.

And little girl if it wasn't for you swinging it wouldn't be how it is now.You have to go through this painful time to decide later, so much later that actually you are not going to be victim of your past but an out and out survivor.

With ever so much love


Helen said...

Mandy, this is beautiful and strong and everything good!
Star light - star bright!

Pam said...

So proud of you! Clapping from the wings...and one of those whistle-through-the-fingers" noises too. Never could master that, but for you I'd give it my very best shot!Wooohooo!!xxxx

Merry ME said...

Dear Mandy - old and young,
Your story is as joyful as it is sad; as inspiring as it is depressing. I smile and clap my hands as you whisper to the little girl on the swing. I watch as her eyes are filled with wonder at the truth you are speaking, not just to her, but to all the lonely girls who are to afraid to question their labels. I'm so proud of you. And yes, I am sure your Dad is smiling down on you.

You Rock!

trousers said...

'Scuse the intemperate language, but -

Fuck yeah!

It was good to hear all this stuff first hand today. xxx

GaynorB said...

Uplifting and inspirational words Mandy; a testement to the fact that we all have the power within us to 'great' things. This power just needs to be unlocked in some way. A lot of people will be very proud of you and your story.

GaynorB said...

I really should preview my comments and then maybe I would pick up spelling mistakes before I publish!

Anonymous said...

Fantastic! You're touching hearts and minds and making your experiences matter for others. Well done you ♥

karen said...

I love it!! Well done, you!

Paula said...

The magic of innocence. The innocence of our core being cant be destroyed. Love you.

Angela said...

If I were headmistress o f a school I would invite you to give your speech to the ten year-olds of my school. I remember how at ten I was looking for my purpose and felt alone and unhappy many times, too. I wish I had heard your story then! Congratulations to all you have achieved, and for who you have become dear friend!

Mel said...

I cried, and now I'm smilin'.
This is a good thing.

(((((((((( the byrdie ))))))))))))

Beatnheart said...

Happy Valentine’s Day beautiful Mandy. And good on ya for having balls. Luv ya gal.

Ishouldbeworking said...

Marvellous. It DOES get better. Well done, you. And her.

TALON said...

I have a feeling your inner child is giggling now, Mandy, and beaming with pride.

Helen said...

Actually, my dear ... a Mr. O.C. Hartridge founded England's 'Pedoscope Company' with the same using the same technology.... Surprise!!

miss*R said...

well done you! xoxo
I wonder what happened to those silly girls playing their silly games.. I knew them too.. and ya know, they still exist in adulthood.. women who whisper in groups.. silly women

Donna Henderson said...

I think you may be right on; seems like I'm finding out these truths as well.