Friday, 24 September 2010

Exhaustion


How can I find the words to say
Whatever it is won't be right
The pain being told that I'm wrong
Over and over again
The ability to roll with the punches diminishes over time
The daily stress and exhaustion wear me out
I always thought it would get easier as I got older
I really am bored with being a verbal punch bag
The day can't quick enough when he leaves home.
This sentence has gone on for 19 years now.
When do I get off for good behaviour?
To think I've lived for 37 years more than him
and apparently don't know anything.
How did that happen, when I know I'm smart!
GGGGGGRRRRRRRR!

12 comments:

Lyn said...

Spoken like a typical parent of a teen. Know you are not alone and that I can tell you from experience, no matter how long or bad the "uglies" are, he will find his way back. But for now, don the positive protections shield and let his hurtful words bounce. Don't let them penetrate for he he knows not what he says. There will be a day where he tells you that "you were right" and maybe even "I'm sorry for what I put you through". Hold on Mandy and be tender with yourself.

jeanette from everton terrace said...

When my daughter was very little, I had a boss who raised his daughter alone and she had just left teenage years. He told me they go to live on another planet around 13 and don't come back until they are about 23 - they will speak another language and participate in strange behaviors, you might be the enemy - leave them and don't try to reason - they come home eventually, that's when they've grown up. I agree with Lyn, be tender with yourself.

Paula said...

Hugs to you! I am sorry that he is giving smart ass behaviour again.

Helen said...

Dear Mandy,

Oh boy! I wish I could wave my magic wand (I do have one) and make this better. (My wand is designated for fairy tale use only!)

But seriously, I do know the pain and frustration you are living right now ... I have to believe as days, months and even years pass this dynamic will resolve itself.

But at some point, if it doesn't, you may have to walk away for a time - if only to demonstrate the tough love this young man may need.

In the meantime, you have all of us.

LindyLouMac said...

Oh the joys of parenthood, sorry to hear your son is giving such a tough time. Hopefully you will look back and laugh together one day about how horrid he was to you.

Dragonfly Dreams said...

You will always love them but you won't always like them. The joys of parenting, eh? Big Hugs to you, Mandy!

Merry ME said...

Oh could we share some stories over a cuppa tea.
Not sure what good that would do. It's the grrrrrrrrrrring that is probably going to be most helpful to you now. But you know that.

I agree with other commenters the day will one day occur when you'll look at the same kid and be amazed at how far he's come.

Pam said...

Mandy you have my every sympathy. There will no doubt be times even in the coming years when you will say "I WAS having a good day until now, thank you VERY much...".Then again, how's his dream of the army going? You might find yourself with a new young man, mortified at his old ways. In the pressure-cooker situation of close cohabitation you need a release valve. Sound off as much as you like here - you're amongst a loyal band of friends!xx.

Carol said...

I was a horror when I was in my mid teens....I have since apologised to my Mum for what I put her through and we have a fantastic relationship now that I wouldn't change for the world! Hang on in there...

*hugs*

C x

Mel said...

There's hope, honestly.

But at this given moment, feel everything you feel--rant and rave if you need to.
Darn kids....

*shaking head*

(((((((( the byrdie ))))))))))

Anonymous said...

this year ive lost my dog my grandson and my daughter who was only 4 yrs older than yours i would take all her abuse just to say i love you once more

Fire Byrd said...

Dear Anonymous, I feel humbled by your loss. And I am truly sorry that so many awful things have happened to you in the last year.
Nothing can compare with the loss of a child, it is despite my moaning my biggest fear. I would hate anything to happen to either of my sons.
Thank you for being brave enough to tell what has happened to you.