Saturday, 29 May 2010

Oh just get over yourself and stop annoying me will you Byrd

It's been difficult since I got home, I've felt quite lonely and sad. I know that's normal after a holiday, and particularly after one packed with so much as this last one. The fact that I've been happy/sad/stressed/calm/stressed/happy/delighted/ hot/loved and have spent time with three wonderful women in the week, has left it's mark.

Since getting back I've done things to try and galvanise my house selling. I've contacted almost all the people I know who live reasonably near me to fix up lunch dates, walks, times together. And I have, and will enjoy every one of them without doubt.

But there is still a hole inside me. The three friends I spent time with last week have known me a very long time, 15, 25 and 40 years. There is a shorthand of knowledge with them that isn't always possible with newer friends.

It's a long time since I've been in a bad weekend space, but I am today. It's a holiday weekend so no work till Tuesday. It's pouring with rain and it's cold, two jumpers on at the end of May!!! So normal British holiday weather then.

So I've got some serious talking to myself to do to try and shake this feeling off. Cause it is okay I'm on my own. After all I've got Miss Trix, I've got food in, books to read, movies to watch and if it stops raining windows to clean (!!!!???!!) I'm not that mad surely!

I've certainly got some computer work to do......

It's just getting myself emotionally able to do the stuff.... Ok heave, pull, move, scream, cry, let it go and don't sit here all day in front of this bloody machine feeling unloved, cause that's rubbish and you know it.....

Right gotta go, a hot bath is calling me.


Twiglet said...

Holidays are funny things aren't they. So good to be away from the "run of the mill" at home and especially good if you have quality company. Like being in a little oasis. Then coming back to reality is often a big downer.So, how about some happy music - bouncy and energetic for a little indoor workout/bop, followed by a cuppa and favourite bun/choc, then listen to/watch favourite comedy whilst doing your most enjoyable creative activity. Well that would perk me up - how about you?

AkasaWolfSong said...

Those sound like wonderful suggestions Twiglet! :)

Byrd? Be kind and compassionate to Self? Write it down and put it on the refrigerator...Be Kind To Self! :)

And then do whatever your spirit and soul are leading you to can't go wrong.

I'll be sending you healing waves of Love!

Blessings on the Gentle Winds!

Mel said...

Silly weather......

But I like that I'm not the only nutzoid person who puts it in black and white and calls the spade a spade!
Personally, I find it hugely helpful to just get the stinkin' thinkin' out of my head so I CAN move on to the next best thing.
Crank up the tunes and light a few around the house and sing your little heart out!

I find the Llama song to be very effective. :-/
Or....some good ol' rock and roll!

(((((((((( the byrdie ))))))))))

This too shall pass.
WOW--you've got friends who've graced your life for 40 YEARS?!
Holy moly.......

Pam said...

What? The beautiful Mandy sad?? This is no good! Be gentle in your thoughts, none of this "get over yourself"business!. Let others close to you know how you're feeling. I am so glad you posted this and opened up to how you feel. I am sending you a ginormous hug - what power and speed this big hug gathers as it flies all the way from far off Oz! Catch it. Hold it close.Cleaning windows can wait. You keep warm and snuggled up .. and take care.xx

miss*R said...

catching up [no, I am not stopping blogging.. just at the moment, I am turning inward.. like hibernating :) ]

did you ever think you may have taken some of the sadness from Auschwitz into your aura? it can happen to empaths..

repeat after me: you are loved, wanted & cherished !!! xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

Zan said...

Yea where did that sun go?
Coming back from hols is no fun.
But hey silly Mandy, you're very loved. Even though a small text on the computer screen doesn't really give off that heart warming feeling like human contact does.
But nevertheless, you're still loved.


Ronjazz said...

Honey, I could never imagine you being that "annoying" to anyone. You have too much energy and drive, too much variety in you. And anyone, man or woman, would be foolish to let you go by.

Yes, holidays can be a real bitch...going through one myself this weekend. Lots going on my own life. But as the Python says "I'm NAWT DEAD YET!"

And you have as much life in you as anyone I know. Big ole hug from me!!!

Beatnheart said...

The bath sounds good Byrd...Thank you so much for your comment and encouraging words. My story has taken on a life of its own and now I feel I have to carry it on...funny, I thought it was only a one day post.. You know, maybe your just worn out from you holiday...I mean it sounds like it was pretty dang stressful!!! So give yourself some time and space to chill and relax and be in the now. Easy words coming from me...ha ha. You have so much..your beautiful walks your beloved pet. Your children. Sometimes I find a moment of gratefulness is what is needed. Have a wonderful weekend kind friend. cynthia

Merry ME said...

There's a lot of good advice and love in these comments. My favorite is "be-bob around the house."
I do believe it is impossible to be blue when one is be-bopping.

You are surrounded by love, Byrdie. You know that. Hug yourself for all of us. Then do what feels right. Sleep, eat, be-bop. Your spirit will know.

TALON said...

There's such a vast difference between being alone and feeling lonely. It seems like you're doing just the right things to bridge that difference, Fire Byrd. I hope the skies clear soon - it's amazing how uplifting a bright day can be.

Lyn said...

Hey Mandy,
I can imagine how you must feel ... kind of like having the post vacation blues. It makes you long for the commaradarie and fun you had with your galpals and life - now that you have resumed your routine probably feels lonely. I have another friend that is going through something similar. She is an outgoing girl who travels and golfs and keeps busy. She told me that she is feeling a little blue these days and somewhat awkward in her "singleness". That is not like her. I guess there are just times when we are lonely when we really want people we love around us. Hugs to you my friend. The hot bath may be a soother -- and wine is too! Just sayin ... : )

Hugs to you Mandy. Take care of yourself.

Helen said...

Dear Mandy,

I am taking a summer break from blogging and just wanted to wish you luck with the sale of your home, wish you happy days, wish you some sunshine, wish for contentment. I completely understand today's post .. I've had very similar emotions. I miss my old, old friends who live so very far from me...they fill up my heart when I am able to spend time with them and of course you are right, not enough time left to create those kind of friendships. Take care ...........

Angela said...

I tok an extra photo of the stork`s nest for you, Mandy (will send it directly also) and put it on my blog! We are all constantly thinking of you, please do not feel lonely. When I read all your comments I am deeply touched. You have really won hearts, not only mine! Now study house prospects at Land`s end where prices are cheap and landscape beautiful! Find another realtor or put ads at your grocer`s door! Someone will soon buy your house! For sure.

nitebyrd said...

Sometimes you just have to wallow and then get on with it. Don't fret too much, Byrd, you'll move past it because you have lots to look forward to! :)

Spadoman said...

Well Ms. Byrd, sorry you're feeling this way. We have all had these feelings, but that never makes them easier to digest. Hope things get sorted out soon enough for you.
I have a saying:
"I accept the inevitibility of lonliness as I struggle to be understood."

It doesn't change anything or make me feel better, but it speaks the truth as I feel it. That helps me accept it, and time moves on and heals us at some point.

Peace to you, and positive energy sent your way.

trousers said...

I've had time off work recently - and this long weekend - and had some lovely days of socialising and getting out and doing stuff. I've really felt that emptiness afterwards, and it's frustrating because I don't want to wallow in it.

Hope you're over it by now (I'll email soon by the way). x

Dragonfly Dreams said...

Sending waves of positive thoughts your way from sunny Colorado, Byrd!

CheekyDani said...

I still desperately miss my friend who died of cancer, we were friends for almost 20 years. And you're right, there's something I can't quite put my finger on that is missing from newer friends. Something to do with just "knowing" or something.

I know this isn't how it feels at the moment, but it's nice that you have friends you've known so long, it really means something that you're missing them. x