Saturday, 29 May 2010
Oh just get over yourself and stop annoying me will you Byrd
It's been difficult since I got home, I've felt quite lonely and sad. I know that's normal after a holiday, and particularly after one packed with so much as this last one. The fact that I've been happy/sad/stressed/calm/stressed/happy/delighted/ hot/loved and have spent time with three wonderful women in the week, has left it's mark.
Since getting back I've done things to try and galvanise my house selling. I've contacted almost all the people I know who live reasonably near me to fix up lunch dates, walks, times together. And I have, and will enjoy every one of them without doubt.
But there is still a hole inside me. The three friends I spent time with last week have known me a very long time, 15, 25 and 40 years. There is a shorthand of knowledge with them that isn't always possible with newer friends.
It's a long time since I've been in a bad weekend space, but I am today. It's a holiday weekend so no work till Tuesday. It's pouring with rain and it's cold, two jumpers on at the end of May!!! So normal British holiday weather then.
So I've got some serious talking to myself to do to try and shake this feeling off. Cause it is okay I'm on my own. After all I've got Miss Trix, I've got food in, books to read, movies to watch and if it stops raining windows to clean (!!!!???!!) I'm not that mad surely!
I've certainly got some computer work to do......
It's just getting myself emotionally able to do the stuff.... Ok heave, pull, move, scream, cry, let it go and don't sit here all day in front of this bloody machine feeling unloved, cause that's rubbish and you know it.....
Right gotta go, a hot bath is calling me.