Saturday, 6 February 2010

The tale of the Fridge Fairy and the Dog Walking Elf


Well I've started the day with my daily doses of Viagra, there will be another one at lunch time, and possibly up to three doses early evening. Nowadays I don't know how I'd cope without them...... After all, it gives me something to do in my spam box!!!

And as for the occasional enquiry into the state of hardness, of what I have no idea (!!!)as I never open the bothersome stuff. I can only imagine the enquiry is about the state of walls in my house.... Since the phone rings off the hook, with men really concerned about the state of my cavity wall insulation and lagging in the loft.

Then nipping over to my hotmail account I have all those lovely people who are desperate to share their good fortune with me as long as I give them £1000 to get started.

I suppose I can only be pleased that the people selling stair lifts and funeral plans are so far confined to afternoon television, and haven't discovered my email address.

So all in all I can only be grateful that I'm seeing as having enough life left in me to merit these vast quantities of Viagra and daft porn spams.But I can tell you, that no man could keep up with the amount of Viagra they want me to have, not unless he took a month or so sabbatical and had nothing else to do.....

Then there is the job vacancy I need filling in this house. The job of fridge fairy is going vacant.The job is designed so that when youngest son and heir wants whatever isn't in the fridge, to make it appear, as if by magic, whatever time day or night. To not mind when the house owner goes to the mayonnaise jar, say, and finds it empty or even having cans of coke opened with one mouthful left carefully stored in the said fridge. These things the fridge fairy will take in her stride and not spend five minutes uttering bad tempered expletives when it was the last can of coke.

The job of laundry maid has now been abandoned due to apathy on the part of the house owner, who now doesn't care about the extreme piles of clothes lying on YS&H's floor anymore, as it saves her washing. And as of the question asked last night about when the house owner was going to do the ironing of YS&H's clothes, there seemed some surprise on his part to learn that his wonderful doting mummy doesn't iron anything of his anymore. To which he replied 'isn't that a bit idle' *~****~~~* was said to be heard coming out of the house owners mouth along with a cloud of billowing blue smoke.

As for the dog walking elf what happened to him? The house owner had it on good authority that the dog walking would be shared.... PAH! So this means house owner 13 walks,dog walking elf,1 per week, usually done with bad grace and only after nagging.

On balance I think the dog walking elf is having a good life, after all when he returned home from who knows where at 5.56am this morning and was gracious enough to wake the house owner and the dog in the process, we could only be grateful for getting a heads up on the day......

Fortunately the house owner and dog have more sense and went back to sleep till 8am. And no doubt the Dog Walking Elf will wake at a very civilised time in the middle of the afternoon and start whining to be made a bacon sandwich or something.

No wonder the house owner changed the pics on her side bar to ones of Devon, she can't wait till Wednesday when she gets to escape there for a few days

14 comments:

miss*R said...

funny, funny.. cause I was just thinking to myself why the hell do I keep getting emails for viagara?? dozens of them a day.. and I would be very rich if I claimed all of my winnings from the UK lottery.. amazing since I have never bought a ticket!

lips sealed on youngest son and heir.. cause i have a youngest daughter and boy, do I know what you mean. exactly xoxo

Zan said...

Sorry can't help but laugh :D LOL this was funny reading!

I don't get the viagra spam.. I do get emails from girls named Olga and so on asking me to marry them though..

I guess.. in 8+ years or so I'll get my share...

xx

Grammy said...

Oh my, I don't need viagra either. I am a born again virgin. lol.
Thanks to my back problems. My hubby and kids learned to go down stairs and wash cloths in 1996. I even got some of mine washed by them. It helps if you need hubby to get your feet to the floor to get out of bed. I am so glad now that I can do it with out help now. But It so helps to state I can not do it. You have to take care of your self. I was lucky they were teen agers.

Paula said...

That is so hilarious. Sorry, I still laugh. It is good that the house owner puts down her foot and keeps limits. House owner deserves a very good life too.

Helen said...

At the risk of repeating myself, Devon and Cornwall are my favorite places in the UK ..... thanks so much for the wonderful story of how your blog came to be named!

The best thing I did recently was 'unsubscribe' from the many emails I receive in the junk category. Can't completely rid myself of all of them, but ever so much better!

lakeviewer said...

You need a long vacation, or a man, or a maid. Heck, you need all of them! Where are the Fairies when you need them?

AJ "Rohzi" Ellington said...

LOL, wow I needed this laugh. Great, great read! LOL

Von said...

'a bit idle' oh the joy of sons,where do they get these lines from? Good move giving up washing and ironing.Life can only get better.

Pam said...

Mandy! I've just caught up on your previous posts! Congratulations on your great results and your bravery in the lead up to. Your perspectives on when reality bites are always astounding, but then the realms of the fridge fairy and the dog walking elf are equally intruiging. You, Your Divine Idleness, really are just the best!!xx

Nicky (Absolute Vanilla) said...

ROTFL! I know, I shouldn't but that was so funny! So, I things have returned entirely to normal in your home! Ah well... Here's wishing you a wonderful time in Devon - have a break, a few drinks, relax and have lots of fun!

Ronjazz said...

Well, I'm proud to admit that I DO have a prescription for Viagra and use it when the situation calls for it...Unfortunately, your hilarious take on all the V-Spam on the 'net just shows how sad it is that so many men of ANY age will answer... I am glad that you are continuing well, honey, and I look forward to, well, you...:)

Mel said...

*laughing*

You'll haffta take my word for it--empty nests are GREAT things!

:-)
So is the 'unsubscribe' button.

e said...

The delete button is never more appreciated than in dealing with junk mail...

This post had me chuckling, and having caught up, I hope you do enjoy your time away and I'm happy that your results were good. Cheers!

CheekyDani said...

You had me worried for a moment, thought you maybe had a secret boy's bit that you'd been keeping from us!!

Glad to hear you in good spirits x