Tuesday, 10 March 2009


I still need votes, I'm still in third place, the school still needs a roof, you can vote every 24 hours. Nag over!

I wanted to write about more stuff related to self hate, with particular reference to dealing with the affects of being bullied.

But not sure whether it's the sort of stuff I should put on this blog. Now I know I can write what I want. But I have this mad desire to have readers of my blog as well!
So have you any views, or for that matter any psychological thing that you would like to read about. I almost feel like I could turn into some kind of mad agony aunt here, where you email me the question and I write the answer on my blog!!!!

Strangely, today at work I was almost quoting the item I wrote over the weekend about the cliffs to a client. So I think my best use of it, is to copy it and give it out as a handout.

I often give out pieces of paper... and sometimes they even have writing on them!!!!My three most used are the Nelson Mandela inaugural speech. The poem by Robert Frost, called the Road less Travelled, and a list of basic human rights.

I dish these out endlessly when I want people to know that they can stop being frightened, do have choices and have the same rights as others around them.

The flip side for me of all of this, and this is particularly true now I'm doing my two full time therapy days one after another is, it is exhausting. It is exhausting trying to sell people self belief. To hold people in that place where they can learn to accept themselves. To learn to love themselves.

In fact yesterday I did something I've never done before in 25 years as a therapist. I bet a client a £5 bunch of flowers that in 12 sessions they will learn to like them self. The client bet me a £5 bunch of flowers that I wouldn't succeed. I think it's a no brainer, cause by the time the first hour had been spent together the client left feeling lighter inside than they had ever before.

I, as you know love my job, I love the idea of giving hope to people. Although it isn't me that gives them hope, it's them. Okay I expand a fearsome amount of energy in helping them understand that they can change. I love that someone comes into see me for the first time, with all the pain and anguish they have been carrying for as long as. And through talking some to me, but more often, me talking to them and explaining why they feel as they do, I can see a light come in inside them, a small flickering candle, or a full on beacon. Doesn't matter whatever it is, the joy I get from knowing that whatever happens to the person in the future, they cannot unlearn what they will have learnt in therapy with me, and that, that has made a difference to the quality of their life, is nothing short of astounding to me.

What of course so ironic, is that for all my skills I still manage to screw myself up in knots..... Difference is for me, is that even though I go to the place of self hate, or whatever I don't stay there long. Cause I make myself do the things I ask my clients do, I let go of my pain. Whether I do that in crying or screaming or telling my friends, I do it. Not for me the pain of depression or long term anxiety or alcoholism. Watched my parents have those, certainly don't need to take any of those on board for myself.

Which is of course why I do what I do.... grow up watching people you love suffer and it certainly gives your the impetuous to help others!

The photographs were taken in the Roaches last week on a walk in the spring sunshine.

PS Just got this from today@dailyOM.com
And thought it ties in so well with both the last two posts. It really is a great site to have come in your mail box every morning.Check it out if you like inspirational words to start your day.

Come True
Personal Power

Many of us have do not understand what personal power means. We have been given the false notion that power is bad that it is something we use to exert our will upon others. In fact, when our personal power is intact, we are neither overbearing nor meek. We have a clear sense of our strength and the impact we can have on others. This actually enables us to be more sensitive. Personal power is what permits us to work on behalf of our dreams and desires. It allows us to realize that we are worthy and deserve to be heard. In addition, our personal power lets us extend the respect we know that we deserve to the people around us. There is no reason to be afraid or ashamed of fully owning your power.

In the chakra system, the solar plexus is the seat of personal power. One way to evaluate your sense of power is to breathe into this part of the body. If it feels tight or nervous, it is an indication that you may not be fully expressing your power. You can heal this imbalance by expanding the area of the solar plexus with your breath. You can also visualize a bright yellow sun in this part of your body. Allow its heat to melt any tension, and let its light dissolve any darkness or heaviness. Repeating this exercise on a regular basis can restore and rejuvenate your sense of power.

Another way to nurture your personal power is to honor your dreams and desires by making concrete plans to manifest them in the world. Start by making a list of things you want, and let yourself think big. Choose one goal from the list and commit to bringing it to fruition. In addition, break the goal into tasks that you can work on each day. Know that you deserve to have your dreams come true and that you have the power to bring them into being.


Sorrow said...

tis I!
your bad blogger buddy..
the quiet one!
the one whose head is up her but these days..
just wipe'n off a bit of shit to wave!
You are a wonderful therapist, in fact the only one i know that i like..
so you should be pleased as peach with the 5er worth of posies!
because it is more affirmation of the joy you bring to this world!
my kids are driving me bonkers today...so i am off!
sorry i have been a shit.

Mei Del said...

that first photo reminds me of our fave family in joke - butt crack of dawn, lol. i might copy it and send it to mix, hehe.

hmm word veri is clings!

ok agony aunt tell me if there is any hope for me or if i'm doomd to have a midlife crisis anyime soon - i'm 42 wiht too many qualifications and no career. everyhting i've tried, i've gone into with a lot of gungho only to get bored or not stay the course ...

i don' want to sabotage my life anymore ... maybe that;s a start!

how's trixie these days?

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I'm thinking alot about the long term psychological effects of being told what you say isn't true, or being falsely accused in some way. Not that that's really a question...but! I think your posts are great and I'm off to vote again now. Lots love BG x

Angela said...

I`m faithfully voting every day, too, for our roof! But also for you! Your writing is so sincere and honest, I would advise anyone I know to look you up (if they spoke English and lived in your area). Myself, I was never in therapy but did a lot of talking and thinking and listening and had my best friend-husband help me, so I think I can now judge a good therapist, and YOU ARE ONE! Maybe the Dear Auntie idea is actually a good one?! But with no fees for all your knowledge??

Lori ann said...

It's a wonderful quality you have, being able to connect so well with people. I think Angela's right, you could start a Dear Auntie blog!
xx lori

Dark Side said...

I think that's a wonderful idea Byrd and I am sure you will have plenty of takers.

Photo's are beautiful by the way..xx

Merry ME said...

Lots of good stuff in this post. So glad there are therapists like you in the world. They can be life savers. No scratch that...
They are lifesavers!

I'd do just about anything for a bokay of flowers! Love buying them for a personal treat. My IWD tulips are still hanging in.

e said...

Dear Byrd,

You are a wonderfully giving person to be thinking of a blog like that! The downside is that you do face-to-face work with daily clients and don't really wish to burn the candle at both ends, exhausting yourself in the process. Perhaps placing some boundaries around when and how long this is to be done would help?

I love your photos and your willingness to share both the glorious and the mundane here. Please wish your soon-to-be eighteen-year-old son a Happy Birthday on Friday the 13th, and I hope its not an entirely scarey experience for either of you. I'm off to vote again!

PS: You've given some thoughts on my own Blog.

lakeviewer said...

Thanks for visiting me. I have voted for your blog and will do again. Good causes move good people.

karen said...

still voting for you, never fear!
thanks for the bit of Light and Joy, today.. always uplifting. Yes, if it wasn't for you - those clients wouldn't be able to find their lost hope, within themselves. you're wonderful, as ever! x

Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

Good morning (at least it is here)! Perhaps you could continue with your normal blog and have a link within your writing to another blog answering those type questions. You could state the question in your normal blog, maybe even with a sentence or two about the answer, and have the complete answer on the blog, hmmm, let's say ... "FireByrdAnswers". Just a thought. I enjoy your blog & like the "Personal Power" piece you had in today.

e said...

I'm voting again! I hope you win!

Salacious Soul said...

I can't get over how beautiful your pictures are!

Walker said...

I can tell you love your job or should i say you love people.
I can also see is many ways how your job helps you at the same time learn who you are.

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