Monday, 17 November 2008


It strikes me how Christmas is such a sad time for people.
I think it is really sad for me, but I hide it behind a childlike enjoyment. But it is hard work to stay in that place.
I have many routines to make the sad thoughts stay away, like being the best present wrapper in the world! The presents may not be that great but the silver paper and beautifully tied ribbon is to die for!
We have things that we do, that now the boys are too old or gone, I know I'll have to do on my own to hit the magic.
Decorating the tree, which is always real, has always been done by the three of us and when we had a dog, with her help.
She had to have a piece of tinsel wrapped round her neck, which she was then happy to wear throughout Christmas,if only that people would take even more notice of her when she was out on her walks, looking very glam with her sparkly collar.
The evening we did the tree Christmas songs would be played and Baileys on the rocks enjoyed by all.
This year I'll do it by myself.

Today has been so hard at work, I'm working with a young woman who despite having had psychiatric help in the past has never done the work she needs to, the work that will allow her to live a normal life. Coming to see me is torture, to have to tell someone her secrets, to face her feelings about being abused and her hate of the people who should have supported her is just fucking painful for her and tough for me to listen to.

Plus there seems to be a surfeit of sad people in blog world who have more than enough on their plates, whether related to their health, emotional and physical, of their environments. I've never before blogging really appreciated that when people wanted water how much they actually wanted it.

And today's post like so many days contains pleas for help from the world. It makes me feel so bad that I can do so little in such a time of want, and throw these pleas in the recycle bag.

The world is a tough place, and most days I can take what it dishes out on the chin, but today and probably because of my work load, I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all.

Would of course help if I got more sleep than I ever get! This weekend was particularly bad, so I feel exhausted today.

Never mind tomorrows another day,and as long as I've had a sleep should be fun as going to Chester with my precious sister to just have a pre Christmas mooch.

This means that Christmas starts then tomorrow, as my life is becoming a mad social whirl all the way to Christmas. Queen Vixen for a night out Wednesday in Ashbourne. Wake Up in Liverpool for lunch on Friday. Blog party on the 6th. To name just a few of the things I've got lined up

I know I should be more mindful of my carbon footprint, but hey if I don't go see people I'd go truly mad. This is my excuse for going to New York for a week next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So in the way of these things, I'm sad but manic with no middle ground, which is about normal for this time of year.


Dark Side said...

It's the time of year makes us manic I think, weather one minute mild next minute cold, wrap up or don't, dark nights, going out in the dark coming home in the dark and of course xmas around the corner for some it's not always a happy time....xx

Trixie said...

Yeah, sometimes listening to horrid things can get you down as much as the person telling it.

Get some sleep tonight hon, you need your energy for the silly season fast approaching!

Lori ann said...

It's the way things are I think,when I have expectations. And change, having things one way and then not. You are so wonderful for helping someone find their way, when they are having such a hard time of it.Be extra gentle with yourself fb.

trousers said...

Much to think about in this post. I'm not sure what to say really, but I can empathise with feeling overwhelmed at work. Sometimes it never seems to stop. But that's just one aspect of the post, and I hope you manage to deal with the other things that you've discussed here. I hope New York will help to give you what sounds like a much-needed shot in the arm.


Mel said...

It's time to be a part of it--New York New York.....

Oh, but for a puppy with tinsel and a rousing chorus around the tree!
We've established our own traditions with the kiddos out of the home. I had some goin' on before the Brit invasion. It's that time of year, eh?

We do what we do cuz we're called to do it...there's a passion. And no matter how tired I get, there's an energy that comes from working my arse off to help someone's load become lighter.
I suspect that's true for more than just me.

Now....get out the eggnog and have a toast to LIFE!
All in all--it's good!

Walker said...

I think Christmas has changed so much it isn't fun anymore.
It has become more commercial than people oriented.
More and more time is spent on buying gifts and less time with those you are giving them to I find.

You get a kid a game and they are off to the computer until its time to eat and off they go again and you don;t see them until their birthday.

Now if you got them a baseball bat and WHACKED then in the head with it, just think how much quality time you could spend together at the hospital.

Ronjazz said...

For me, it's always been Christmas Eve that's the bad moment. Been like that since I was a kid. I always find myself walking aimlessly that night, trying to make sense of my world and where I am in it. Once I survive the evening and get to the next morning, I'm fine. But I do understand what you say as we hide some sadness behind a facade. We're only human, and we put impossibly high expectations on ourselves every year.

Unknown said...

This time of year does silly things to everyone and I, for my part, plan to avoid most of it. I know of very few who get through the silly season unscathed - it's so full of hope and expectations and those are inevitably dashed in some way when we realise that neither we nor others are perfect.

And you're going to New York!!! Whooohooooo! Lucky thing - hope you have a fabby time!

Walker said...

Funny girl
If your click on the red Walker you go to a different blog and that's why it was there. ;)

Tim said...

I used to live in Chester. A mooch there will make things seem better.

Fire Byrd said...

I had a lovely mooch in Chester and got some good things.
And to counter balance the expediture I've been on a 6 mile walk this morning in the rain, up a bloody big hill!!
So can't stop now as got to prepare for my next outing!!!
big kisses all round though

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Could you save the tree till we're there on the 6th? That could be a lot of fun. Liverpool, despite the dismal weather, is looking very Christmasy. Can't wait to see you. And chin up. You could be John Sergeant.