Monday, 17 November 2008
SAD OR MANIC.... THAT'S THE CHOICE
It strikes me how Christmas is such a sad time for people.
I think it is really sad for me, but I hide it behind a childlike enjoyment. But it is hard work to stay in that place.
I have many routines to make the sad thoughts stay away, like being the best present wrapper in the world! The presents may not be that great but the silver paper and beautifully tied ribbon is to die for!
We have things that we do, that now the boys are too old or gone, I know I'll have to do on my own to hit the magic.
Decorating the tree, which is always real, has always been done by the three of us and when we had a dog, with her help.
She had to have a piece of tinsel wrapped round her neck, which she was then happy to wear throughout Christmas,if only that people would take even more notice of her when she was out on her walks, looking very glam with her sparkly collar.
The evening we did the tree Christmas songs would be played and Baileys on the rocks enjoyed by all.
This year I'll do it by myself.
Today has been so hard at work, I'm working with a young woman who despite having had psychiatric help in the past has never done the work she needs to, the work that will allow her to live a normal life. Coming to see me is torture, to have to tell someone her secrets, to face her feelings about being abused and her hate of the people who should have supported her is just fucking painful for her and tough for me to listen to.
Plus there seems to be a surfeit of sad people in blog world who have more than enough on their plates, whether related to their health, emotional and physical, of their environments. I've never before blogging really appreciated that when people wanted water how much they actually wanted it.
And today's post like so many days contains pleas for help from the world. It makes me feel so bad that I can do so little in such a time of want, and throw these pleas in the recycle bag.
The world is a tough place, and most days I can take what it dishes out on the chin, but today and probably because of my work load, I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all.
Would of course help if I got more sleep than I ever get! This weekend was particularly bad, so I feel exhausted today.
Never mind tomorrows another day,and as long as I've had a sleep should be fun as going to Chester with my precious sister to just have a pre Christmas mooch.
This means that Christmas starts then tomorrow, as my life is becoming a mad social whirl all the way to Christmas. Queen Vixen for a night out Wednesday in Ashbourne. Wake Up in Liverpool for lunch on Friday. Blog party on the 6th. To name just a few of the things I've got lined up
I know I should be more mindful of my carbon footprint, but hey if I don't go see people I'd go truly mad. This is my excuse for going to New York for a week next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So in the way of these things, I'm sad but manic with no middle ground, which is about normal for this time of year.