Sunday, 31 August 2008
EQUILIBRIUM, RAIN AND TREES
My first memory is pre verbal. And it is a sensation, sound and sight. I am in my pram, I can see the hood up around me. I can see the leaves on the Ash tree that my pram is underneath. I can hear the rain pattering down on the hood of the pram.
For this memory to exist I have to be under 2 years old, as my sister turned up then and I was turfed out of the pram!
What it has left me with is a life long love of being under trees in the rain. I feel safe there. I feel hugely at peace. I can hook into the feeling other places, like my car in the rain, but then it has a canvas roof.
This summer, or what passes for it over here, I've been growing a Russian Vine in the wooden structure in my garden. Heaven knows what this is called, could be a gazebo, could be a pagoda, could just a few pieces of wood nailed together to grow plants through it. Ah yes, the last one will do.
Anyway,the vine and me have been working hard at making it grow across the top of said wooden thing. It grows. And I've been standing on chairs wrapping the vine round the timbers in the way I want them.
So this morning, just before the rain started for today's downpour, I managed to sit outside underneath this marvellous plant and eat my breakfast.
It was magical, the day was dull and cloudy with the promise of rain. Which meant the sky was the colour of my childhood memories. The green canopy over my head was, not sure if I can describe adequately how it felt. A sense of peace, and tranquility I guess sum up the experience best.
So I've put some pics I took of my garden before the rain.
It is, as to be expected daily in England now, raining, and although this means I'm now stuck back inside my sense of equilibrium has stayed with me.
And it has to be said, once an hour I get a such a kick out of my clock. It makes me so happy to catch the bird of the hour. And in fact if i miss it when I'm around in the house I do feel bereft at my lack of mindfulness.
It is good when pleasure can be got from simple things. And it is so hard when our minds are in difficult places, to hold on to the knowledge that this terrible feeling will pass eventually.
Cause as in all things no one feeling will stay, whether it's amazing happiness, desperate grief, fury,or being scared. Even depression eventually goes. It may take a bloody long time but it will go.
And if anyone is depressed it's worth really looking at whether or not that depression is 24 hour constant. Cause usually it's not, there are moments of light relief when depressed, and it's these moments that someone with depression needs to expand on.
The thinking, increasingly about depression, is that activity of any description is what will shift it quicker than anything else. I'm not talking about profound depression here, which will need, for optimum help anti depressants and therapy. I'm talking about the depression where someone can get out of bed and can function after a fashion.
Activity as simple as walking. Obviously if depression is around walking, initially is an absolute chore, but if persevered with then the pleasures of,oh, I don't know birdsong, or seeing the plants develop through the seasons,can eventually start to infiltrate the depression and a small pleasure is gained.
As these small gains become more frequent then the grip of the depression becomes less. But as with all things it needs more active work than just walking.
Depression comes about cause someone is not dealing with a pain or anguish inside them, and rather than do it, they have unconsciously hooked into depression as a way to cope. There are lots of other ways people use to cope, panic attacks, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse for example. And the problem with all of these things, is that they become a problem in their own right and the person may loose sight of why they needed this defence in the first place.
I am mindful in writing this, that there is so much i want to say, about how we can be in control of our own lives. Which is why I'm, or was, writing the book I guess. And what this is telling me is I should go back to it, rather than inflict my entire theory of what makes people tick here.
The alternative would be to start another blog, where if anyone was interested I could put up what I've written so far, and what I'll write in the future.The book, I've done 7 chapters of so far, is a self help book. One in which at the moment is a stream of my knowledge about everything I know. It is not a theory book at all. I do not want it to appeal to another therapist, I want to be read by the people who come and see me for help. Normal people, who for whatever reason are going through hell in their lives at that moment.
I do have this huge need to get through to people about how they can turn their lives round, if they are unhappy in them at any moment in time. But this is not the blog to do it in, no one has the time to read the thoughts of 'chairmen byrd' unless they want that information, say, as in how to deal with a panic attack, for example.
So if anyone has any thoughts on this idea then let me know. Cause I'm not precious about my knowledge, boring possibly, but not precious!!
And if I can help anyone sort out the bad place they've got themselves then my life is worth something.
I have opened a new blog where all my book will be found,if you want to see it go to Therapeuticfirebyrd.blogspot.com/