Saturday, 12 March 2011
I just want my own stress not anyone elses!
As you know I have two sons, whom I adore. They make my life worth living, I've been a single parent to them for years and we are all three of us close.
The eldest lives in London and works as a civil servant training to be an accountant. Makes me wonder why he read politics at uni!
When he's there I don't worry about his comings and goings. I know he's living his life. And if there was a problem he needed my help with,or good news to share he'd phone me.
My youngest son is 20 tomorrow and lives at home, and for the first time since leaving school he's been in full time employment since last Monday. He's working for a car manufacturer and is doing spot welding, whatever that is. Although he's(and they!) on a three month probation period, he is so glad to have got a job and is so looking forward to his pay packet, as opposed to the dole that I don't think he'll jeopardise it by being stupid.
That said his first really serious relationship ended last night. It had been coming on for a couple of weeks, She'd been moody and wanting space and not answering his texts for hours. To begin with he'd just been broken hearted and this had meant long conversations into the night with me most nights during the week.
But he's not my son for nothing, so he took control on Wednesday and said he needed a decision as he couldn't go on not knowing and just hurting. This assertive behaviour worked wonders for him. He didn't want his relationship to end,but at the same time he didn't want to feel powerless any more. So he's been making plans with a mate to find a place together in the next town, half way between where they both work. My son currently has an hour commute, which is a lot on a 10 hour working day.
What I am fearful of is him now only a week into this job, being so upset that he goes off and gets drunk, with it's subsequent potential results. As you know for the last two years he has given me more cause for concern than is healthy for anyone to deal with.
So I spent last evening when he went out fretting, was he drinking,would he drive, would he get into a fight, would he be calling me from a police cell etc etc. The temptation to phone him around 11pm to find out if he was okay was nearly overwhelming. I knew if I had phoned him he's have just thought I was nagging, so I didn't. Around 11.30 he came in, been at his mates having 'a take away' and no booze, and his girlfriend had texted him to break off their relationship, neither of us were impressed with that! And he was tired after his week at work so wanted an early night.
Which means that probably I will now go back to worrying Friday and Saturday night for some time as he gets over this. I just hope his ambition to work is strong enough to make that his focus, rather than being an idiot again.
I want to stop worrying about him in this very stressful way. It's damaging to me and I've done enough of it.I want him to leave home, start in a new town afresh, and come round Sunday for lunch and his washing to be done, make new friends, open new doors. And allow me to just get on with my own stress of my life and not his.