Monday, 10 January 2011

It is okay, it will be okay, it must be okay.

The news is good,he says they are in love.
Not some adolescent infatuation
More serious middle age stuff,
that sets their hearts racing
and their minds doing cartwheels in the sand!

So why does it hurt?
it's not them, they deserve what they can get.
It's me,those carefully protected defences
the portrayal of being okay alone
gets smashed against the rocks of ocean spray.

I like my life, I tell myself
And mainly it's true
But just sometimes I yearn for arms around me
Holding me tight,to set my heart aflutter

I told him I like being single
I can read till 1am with no-one to bother
But I know deep down that it would be nice
just to hear the words, turn the light off love.

The green eyed monster mustn't gobble me up
I need to go back to liking my life
to being okay alone in the dark
but sometimes just sometimes


Helen said...

Mandy, Mandy ... how is it you voice what I feel?

trousers said...

That's me too, sometimes. Far more times than I admit.

Merry ME said...

Yours is the very essence of the human heart. Of course you long for what the Divine set inside us. I cannot deny that there is anything better than loving and being loved in return. Still, the love of self, giving and hugging and holding our very own soul, it's got merit too.

For what it's worth, I send a big old hug from across the sea.

Marilyn said...

It's so human isn't it to tell ourselves one thing over and over but our hearts to feel differently.
My way of dealing with emotions that unsettle me is to walk and walk and walk some more. xxx

miss*R said...

it is ok Pix.. you are having one of those dark nights of your soul.. ALL WILL BE WELL and All Will be Well & all manner of thigs will be well..

sending love xoxo

janis said...

Mandy! why must there be so many miles between my friend that I so understand? Different situations, but same hearts. I love you friend♥

Pam said...

Someone close to me is going through this, and holding back of self more than anything. The heart is a precious thing, the mind on guard. Always listen with a true heart and follow the leads, the mind has its own agenda. Sending love and hugs your way dear Byrdie.xx

jeanette from everton terrace said...

I think we've all been there at some point. "sometimes, just sometimes" I like that line, I've felt it. I'm not there now but I remember it well. Wishing death to the green eyed monster for you.

Lyn said...

Mandy - I feel for you and I think it is only natural that from time to time the green eyed monster gets out of his cage and reminds us that deep down it's OK to yearn for a partner to share our life with. Hugs...

Anonymous said...

I keep telling my sister,in a self conscious effort to be positive (her beloved husband died 10 years ago) - enjoy having the bed to yourself and being able to do a starfish, read til 1 am , go to the loo, eat a slice of toast and leave breadcrumbs all over the sheet, fart even, as I would relish that freedom sometimes, especially at the moment when I'm having very hot flushes and night sweats! However, I do understand that it might sound insensitive, lightweight, smug and self satisfied to both her and you, so feel free to poke me. Meaningful and supportive words are superficial and inadequate to help a soul in pain. I know I would feel the same jealousy and pain if it were me. I send you a big hug anyway :-) and I know you have lots of lovely blogger (and real) friends who will give you so much love too.

TALON said...

I always love your honesty, Mandy. Not jealousy, but envy...and how could you not be envious of someone having that which you would love to have...if only to enhance your life...for, yes, life is good...but it could always be better...

Cait O'Connor said...

Nothing is perfect even though we sometimes think the grass is always greener elsewhere.
Rise above it. I heard that saying on Desert Island Discs (Gyles Brandreth of all people) and I keep quoting it.

Mel said...

((((((((( the byrdie ))))))))))))

It just sucks sometimes.
Sucks that it sucks--yaknow?

((((((((((( the byrdie )))))))))))

Sorrow said...

I can not know the way you feel, but I can Love you, so very much.
not the love you seek, I know, but a love, just the same.

Zan said...

Hugs Mandy. xx

Nicky Schmidt (Absolute Vanilla) said...

Getting to the place where one genuinely is content and happy alone takes a long, long road. We're social creatures, we're conditioned to have a mate. Sending you a vast hug and a bucket of love.