Tuesday, 31 August 2010

A sense of wholeness


I have just had the most soul soothing weekend I've had possibly ever.
Making decisions about when and what I would eat. Where I would go, when I would come back. What I would do next, how long I'd do whatever it was for time wise.

It wasn't about the places I visited, although they were all wonderful. Each one of them giving me something, whether it was a wild headland or a stormy beach or the mist clearing from the mountains. All moved me.

It was about the total isolation of MY SELF from any other commitments. There was no-one else to consult about what to do next, no-one to please, no-one to worry about. Just me to please me. It was a real eye opening experience.

I sat at the table as I like to at home to have my slowly eaten breakfast, enjoying the fresh pineapple, the ham and boiled egg and the warmed bread with a pot of coffee, feeling the stress fall away from me.

Spreading the map on the table and planning a vague structure to my day, going here, then there, with no more thought than that. And when here I sat on the headland after a walk up to it and allowed myself to simply sit and watch the waves crashing on the rocks below without a worry as to how long I could sit there.

I did have a moments fear, when I stood up I felt scared that no-one on earth knew where I was and I could slip down the headland into the sea. But fear was a good thing here it kept me safe. I walked carefully, I concentrated on where I put my feet. I got to a safer piece of land.

There were challenges all weekend of different sorts, all of them dealt with as they arose. I coped, I survived and I so enjoyed myself.

No more so than at 4am when I woke up. I got up for a drink of water and realised that the cloud had cleared and there were many stars to be seen. So going outside without a stitch on I stood on the deck and looked up to the skies, there were hundreds of stars twinkling, the moon was still high in the sky and the only noise I could hear was the waves crashing on the shore at the bottom of the hill.

It was one of those moments in life when your heart beats in time with the world. The sense of completeness with myself and what I could see and hear just blew me away.

I went back in and thought about putting on clothes and going back out, but it was unnecessary, the experience had been perfect in it's moment and therefore more was not needed.

The whole weekend was fulfilling on so many levels. I was happy and content and life doesn't get any better than that to feel that sense of wholeness with one's SELF.

19 comments:

Mel said...

I'm just smiling--inside and out.

And I'm so very, very glad for you to have had the experience.

:-)

Yup....smiling!!!

Helen said...

I don't know when I've read a blog post more satisfying ~ to me and the writer! Thank you, thank you for sharing this. It was perfect.

Merry ME said...

Though I wasn't as isolated as you were, I felt that way once while visiting the Grand Canyon. That's why I so loved getting your post card! SOunds like you had a refreshing trip. Good for you. Now that you've done it once, perhaps you'll find ways to work it into your schedule on a regular basis.

Lyn said...

It sounds like it was just what you needed ... some quality time alone in your own company. It must have been a magical moment on that deck and oh - the freedom you must have felt in your birthday suit.

Marilyn said...

It all sounds magical - you were in a wonderful place within yourself as well as where you were staying. It all sounded so perfect in every way.

Angela said...

Keep this feeling now and don`t let it slip away on your "normal" days. It is always there, your freedom! You are the one in charge.

By the way, I like your longer hair! It can fly in the wind now!

Twiglet said...

Great post and a really lovely pic. You look as contented as you sound!

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I'm so pleased to hear you had such a great time and LOVE that photo of you!! BG Xx

Carol said...

That sounds absolutely perfect! I'm very glad you got the chance to have that time to yourself :-)

C x

Everton Terrace said...

I feel even a bit more peaceful this morning just reading your post. I love the thought of "those moments in life when your heart beats in time with the world." I have those, I try to find even a moment of it every day. Contentment is such a source of joy. So happy you had such a wonderful time.

Dragonfly Dreams said...

The enjoyment and peace you recieved from your trip makes me smile - thank you for sharing!

Pam said...

You look gorgeous!!!
Once, in the middle of nowhere,absolutely deserted country Australia, I stood in the nuddie with the hot evening sun beating on my back and it was WONDERFUL.Little wild finches chirped around a rusty sheep trough,only sound to be heard. I still think of it. Open to the universe,balm for the soul. So very happy for you dearest Mandy.(You've given me incentive to tackle the night skies, but it will have to be in summer and somewhere VERY far away!!!)xxx

karen said...

How lovely! I'm so glad you enjoyed your solitude and peacefulness.. I hope you're carrying lots of that peace to "back home".

Lovely photos, as ever, in the earlier one!

TALON said...

How beautiful! This just makes me grin from ear to ear. Those moments like you had make you glad to be alive, don't they? And to luxuriate in it. To be alone and not lonely is a wonderful thing.

Beatnheart said...

ok next time you have to let me come along! This sounds so wonderful I can hardly stand it !!! Youare so fortunate to have a cottage to go to...I am green with envy but at the same time rejoice with and for you as you tackle and overcome the fear of solitude. I love new things..this place sounds heaven on earth. Love your new piccie...you look free!

Sorrow said...

This was a pleasure to read, it is so good to feel your joy wash over like waves. what a great place to be, what a wonderful you
to share...
(smile)

nitebyrd said...

How totally wonderful that you had this experience! Your description makes me smile. ♥

miss*R said...

what a beautifully haunting post. I loved it!

Diney said...

Freedom is a wonderful thing :)