Tuesday, 31 August 2010
A sense of wholeness
I have just had the most soul soothing weekend I've had possibly ever.
Making decisions about when and what I would eat. Where I would go, when I would come back. What I would do next, how long I'd do whatever it was for time wise.
It wasn't about the places I visited, although they were all wonderful. Each one of them giving me something, whether it was a wild headland or a stormy beach or the mist clearing from the mountains. All moved me.
It was about the total isolation of MY SELF from any other commitments. There was no-one else to consult about what to do next, no-one to please, no-one to worry about. Just me to please me. It was a real eye opening experience.
I sat at the table as I like to at home to have my slowly eaten breakfast, enjoying the fresh pineapple, the ham and boiled egg and the warmed bread with a pot of coffee, feeling the stress fall away from me.
Spreading the map on the table and planning a vague structure to my day, going here, then there, with no more thought than that. And when here I sat on the headland after a walk up to it and allowed myself to simply sit and watch the waves crashing on the rocks below without a worry as to how long I could sit there.
I did have a moments fear, when I stood up I felt scared that no-one on earth knew where I was and I could slip down the headland into the sea. But fear was a good thing here it kept me safe. I walked carefully, I concentrated on where I put my feet. I got to a safer piece of land.
There were challenges all weekend of different sorts, all of them dealt with as they arose. I coped, I survived and I so enjoyed myself.
No more so than at 4am when I woke up. I got up for a drink of water and realised that the cloud had cleared and there were many stars to be seen. So going outside without a stitch on I stood on the deck and looked up to the skies, there were hundreds of stars twinkling, the moon was still high in the sky and the only noise I could hear was the waves crashing on the shore at the bottom of the hill.
It was one of those moments in life when your heart beats in time with the world. The sense of completeness with myself and what I could see and hear just blew me away.
I went back in and thought about putting on clothes and going back out, but it was unnecessary, the experience had been perfect in it's moment and therefore more was not needed.
The whole weekend was fulfilling on so many levels. I was happy and content and life doesn't get any better than that to feel that sense of wholeness with one's SELF.