Today I went to work and all five clients turned up, which at this time of year is unusual.
I listened, I asked questions, I found answers, I offered a different view from the one they were stuck with.
And all the time I wanted to scream..... get a fucking life, stop being so bloody wet, think yourself lucky to have so little to worry about, stop being pathetic, go and annoy someone else, sod off and leave me alone.
But I didn't, I just did my job, forcing my mind to stay focused on their issues. Making myself not blurt out what was going on for me.
After all I've been here before when my own personal pain has been acute and I've carried on with my work. If for no other reason than, no work no pay. And I can't afford for that to happen.
So I've been a good therapist holding tight onto the reins of my humanity, not letting me out for an instance.
But I'm still here and I feel hollow and lost, and there is nothing I can do except let time pass.