Friday, 16 January 2009
The wonderful Hele at Truth Cycles has asked me these questions. And what I've realised is this is such a great way to talk about myself without having to think about where i should start! The same rules apply as Karen's interview.
Thank you Hele, for these wonderful questions, they have been really thought provoking
1. When you are going through moments of soul searching and doubt what gives you your hope back?
When I'm going through these sort of times, I will be upset, and because I'm very good at NOT holding my feelings in, I will let myself cry hard. I will probably go and get my toy cat, who sits by my bed, or one of my four bears to hug. And then I will talk out loud to them about what I feel. So making them very wet with my tears. I will hold on to them till I have let go of all the words that need saying inside me. And because I have let go of my pain, then the act of so doing will have enabled me to feel back to my usual self glass half full self.
If the feelings inside are of anger then I will scream very loudly and then run up and down stairs swearing at whomever I'm upset with, till I'm exhausted and that works as well.
These work because I have moved my brain wave patterns from the unhappy stuck positions I have been in, and I have released serotonin into my blood stream which immediately makes anyone feel better.
2. The image you portray on your blog of a firebird ligthing up the sky always draws such a vivid picture in my mind.If you close your eyes what do you see this bird doing once its journey of regeneration is complete?
Will it ever be complete.... I don't think so cause I think we keep on learning.
But what I know I'm getting increasingly nowadays is a feeling of contentment about myself. I know myself very well, and I forgive myself for not being perfect. So if I can carry on with this development and continue to learn to be at peace with where I am in the here and now, then that is good enough for me. Plus I do not have a religious side, but I do have a spiritual one, and that is definitely becoming more important to me as I get older. If when I die I know I've done my best, whatever that is, then that will do.
3. As a child who did you wish for your adult self to be?
From a small child I was told I was stupid, both by my parents and at school. So my dreams then weren't very practical. I did want to to be a ballet dancer, Margot Fontayn was my idle. As I went through the school system and was getting close to chosing a career, I really wanted to study history at uni. But because of 'my stupidity' I failed all my O'levels and was not seen bright enough to even consider A'levels. The power of suggestion!!!! Then I wanted to be a physiotherapist, but the same thing applied. I drifted into nursing because my mum had been one.... and as they say the rest is history.
Emotionally I have wanted to care for people forever. It was my job, and still is, to look after my little sister. I learned around 12 to do massage, so I could look after my mum who had a bad back, and I would always do all the ironing so as to help her.
All the games I played as a child involved, making home of some sort, and looking after my teddies in them. So I suppose there has never been any thought about wishing for anything different. I have a magical life caring and always have done.
4. When was the last time you laughed out loud and why?
Recently with my youngest son, who is a natural comic in the gentle making fun of things around him, and he has me in stitches often.
When I was a young woman and still at home, my mum and I would get the giggles and end up laughing till the tears rolled down our faces. That only happens occasionally now, and generally happens when I read something in a book that sets me off. I love doing that.
5. If you look around you now, what thing of beauty catches your eye? In what way does this reflect the beauty of your heart?
Where I am right now is my desk typing on my laptop. Around me are three photographs, one of mum and dad, one of dad and granpa, and one of my sister and I when I'm probably 5 and her 3.
On the other side are some very important treasures, and in no particular order, a candle that has a spell cast on it my Queen Vixen to help with relationships.
Two bullet cases from my shooting a shotgun last summer. A card with a picture of a lake, and the words under the picture say- 'There is a place that holds magic, in our hearts, and in our memories' A feather from a Heron, that fell down beside me in the lake in the picture, all these three relate to my friend Sorrow who I visited last summer and who has an impact on my life that I can't begin to even describe, she is so important to me.
A small metal labyrinth and a card case given to me by my dearest friend in Philly after we had walked a labyrinth together last winter in a Churchyard. This labyrinth also ties in with Sorrow, as she has one in her garden and I walked it twice. Once in pain, and once in utter joy the next day.
There is a large palm sized stone and a piece of Lapis Lazuli that sparkles with gold flecks. Both these reflect my relationship with a wonderful friend who was my best mate when we were 14 and we re-met through Friends Reunited last year. Our friendship is as strong now, as it was then.The stone I picked up on the beach where she lives and the lapis was given to me her when she came up to stay with me.
Finally is a drinks mat with lovely silly words on, given to me by my wonderful friend who lives in Devon, who I love so much, and go visit as often as I can. Who never judges and who accepts me totally.
Plus my computer when it goes to screen saver shows my photographs, and all my pics relate to my friendships with people.
So all this reflects that I am a very privileged person to have the love that others give me, and I know that all my friends know I love them. Whether they are celebrated at my desk or elsewhere in my home. My house has so many treasures that go all the way back to my great grandparents right up to walking socks that Alex gave me for Christmas.
The beauty of my heart, Hele's term not mine, is the one word that makes the world go round.... LOVE there is nothing else.